The Different Types of Cheating in a Relationship 

Cheating in a relationship has been a hot topic for as long as relationships have existed, and it’s still something that sparks conversations today. Whether you’ve found yourself catching feelings for a coworker or you want to know if a friendship is crossing a line, we’ve got your back.

If you’re trying to figure out the complicated world of love and trust, it’s important to understand what cheating really means and how it plays out. 

We’ve taken our experience of all sides of extramarital affairs to break things down and get real about the truths of infidelity.

What are the Main Types of Cheating?

The main thing you need to know about cheating is that it isn’t always a clear-cut extra-marital affair. 

There are plenty of ways you can cheat in a relationship, and some are fairly incognito, even to the person cheating, so let’s dive into some of the different ways of cheating in a relationship.

Type of Cheating	Explanation
Physical	Cheating on your partner with inappropriate physical contact with someone else, including kissing, hugging, & hand holding.
Sexual	Having sexual contact with someone other than your spouse. Often confused with physical cheating.
Emotional	Having an inappropriate emotional bond with someone else. Can lead to neglect of the primary relationship.
Cyber/Digital	Having a flirtatious, sexual, or emotional relationship with someone else online.
Micro-cheating	Small acts of betrayal that build up. Including checking out an ex on social media, keeping an active dating profile, or flirting with others.
Financial	Being secretive or deceptive about finances, spending, debt, & savings
Commemorative	Continuing the relationship after falling out of love due to obligation or ease. Can lead to physical cheating.

1. Physical Affair

Having a physical affair is one of the most common types of cheating. 

Physical cheating in a relationship happens when one partner gets physically intimate with someone outside the relationship, and it hasn’t been agreed upon by both parties. This can include anything from holding hands to kissing or cuddling.

What sets physical cheating apart from other types of infidelity is that it involves a physical act. Meeting up to engage in a physical affair takes a significant amount of time, effort, and planning, which can add to the perceived betrayal.

Of course, every relationship has its own boundaries, but unless your relationship explicitly allows meeting up with someone else in a physical or intimate way, it’s generally going to be seen as cheating.

2. Sexual Affair

A sexual affair usually means having intimate or sexual encounters with someone outside of your main relationship. It’s often linked to a physical affair since both involve physical intimacy with someone else.

In fact, it’s common for partners to assume a sexual relationship when there are signs of a physical affair.

This kind of affair is one of the most obvious forms of cheating and can seriously damage trust in a relationship. People have sexual affairs for different reasons, like looking for excitement or feeling unsatisfied in their current relationship.

3. Emotional Cheating

Emotional cheating, or emotional infidelity, happens when someone builds a deep, intimate connection with someone outside their relationship. It’s about sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are usually reserved for your intimate partner while neglecting that aspect of your relationship.

Think of it as having a second relationship, but without anything physical (though let’s be honest, it often leads there!). 

Even without physical intimacy, the emotional bond can feel just as intense as a physical one, and emotional affairs can feel more fulfilling than physical ones if you’re feeling neglected in your relationship.

3. Cyber or Digital Affairs

These days, cheating isn’t just something that happens in person – it’s gone digital. 

Cyber cheating can mean sexting, flirting on social media, or even keeping an active profile on dating apps while you’re in a committed relationship. Sure, it all happens behind screens, but it can feel just as real as if you were meeting up in person regularly.

With the rise of married dating sites like Illicit Encounters, it’s easier to be far more discreet about your online infidelity than messaging someone from your Facebook or Instagram account. Keeping things on the down low makes it easier to mitigate any harm caused to your spouse.

4. Micro-Cheating

This type of cheating might not be on your radar – it’s often seen as a bit of a grey area. We’re talking about those little actions that don’t exactly scream cheating but can still feel… off to your current partner. 

Think of it as flirting on the edge: constantly liking an ex’s posts, keeping small secrets about the frequency or contents of your conversations, or nurturing that crush on a friend that should have fizzled out long ago. 

On their own, these things might not seem like a big deal. But over time, they add up, planting seeds of doubt and mistrust. It’s called micro-cheating, and while it’s not as obvious as physical cheating, it’s still a form of infidelity that you should be aware of.

5. Financial Cheating

Money can be a hot topic in relationships. Financial cheating happens when one partner hides, misuses, or lies about their finances – be it secret bank accounts, hidden debts, or undisclosed spending. 

This form of betrayal can shake the very foundation of trust, as finances are often intertwined with security and future planning in a relationship.

British research by Money Advice Service from 2015 also found one in five people lied to their partner about their earnings and one in four lied about their debt.  – The Guardian

6. Commemorative Cheating

Commemorative cheating happens when someone stays in a relationship even after the love or emotional connection is gone. This often comes from a sense of duty, shared history, or practical reasons like finances or co-parenting responsibilities.

While the relationship might look fine on the outside, the lack of real emotional connection can push people to look for fulfilment elsewhere. It’s often used to explain physical or sexual infidelity as partners try to fill the gap left in their relationship.

Are There Different Levels of Cheating?

A bit like how there are different ways people cheat; there are also different levels. Again, this is subjective, but for the most part, we all agree on what’s a definite act of infidelity and what’s something that can be overlooked and forgiven. 

Let’s imagine we’re ranking them on a scale…

Level of Cheating	Examples
Low	1. Checking someone out in public 2. Fantasising about someone else 3. Having romantic feelings for someone else
Questionable	1. Micro-cheating 2. Financial cheating 3. Commemorative cheating 4. Flirting with other people
Obvious	1. Having an online affair 2. Emotionally cheating 3. Physically cheating 4. Sexually cheating

Low-level cheating is generally stuff that we do all the time as humans without really noticing it. It can also be an effective (if slightly unethical) coping mechanism for when your relationship is going through a rough patch, as long as you make sure not to stray too far.

For the questionable cheating level, these are things that some people might be fine with but can lead to issues if they begin to take over your relationship or cause your partner issues. 

For example, getting yourself into debt behind your partner’s back is one thing, but doing so to buy your side piece some jewellery is worse!

Of course, the obvious cheating is where some soul-searching needs to come into play. Don’t worry – we’re not getting all high and mighty on you! It’s just important to understand whether you’re looking to cheat to fulfil unmet needs and improve your marriage or if you’d be happier if you called it a day.

Is Cheating in a Relationship Ever Okay?

This is definitely a bit of a grey area. Some people will tell you cheating is always 100% wrong, but not everyone agrees. 

Relationships can be complicated, and it’s hard to judge them all the same way. If you’ve ever been cheated on, you probably feel pretty strongly that it’s wrong. But is there ever a situation where cheating might be okay? The short answer is yes.

Times When Cheating on Romantic Relationships Might Be Okay

Cheating is a tricky and sensitive topic, and how people view it often depends on their personal beliefs or cultural background. That said, some folks think there are situations where cheating might not be so black and white. 

Here are four examples where having an affair might feel more understandable: 

1. Escaping an Abusive Relationship: If someone’s stuck in an abusive or controlling relationship, leaving can be really hard – or even dangerous. In these cases, forming a connection with someone outside the relationship might provide comfort, emotional support, or even a way to eventually break free. It’s not a perfect solution, but it can sometimes be a lifeline. 
2. Mutual Agreements: Some couples agree to have open marriages or polyamorous relationships where seeing other people is okay. While this isn’t “cheating” in the traditional sense, it can blur the lines of infidelity. If both partners are on board with clear boundaries, then stepping outside the relationship isn’t really a betrayal – it’s part of the agreement. 
3. Medical or Physical Challenges: When one partner has a medical issue that causes a dead bedroom, the other might look for that connection elsewhere. Ideally, this would happen with open communication and understanding from both sides. 
4. Emotional Neglect: Long periods of emotional neglect or a lack of intimacy can sometimes push someone to seek what they’re missing elsewhere. In these situations, some argue that emotional disconnect is just as much a betrayal as the act of cheating itself. 

While these situations are complex, they highlight how relationships, and the challenges they face, are rarely simple, and nothing is black and white.

Signs Someone is Cheating in a Relationship

If you’re going to embark on an extramarital affair, you’ll want to avoid causing harm to your committed partner, even if you’re unhappy in the marriage. To do this, you need to understand the common signs of a cheat that give away your infidelity.

Once you understand the common cheating signs your partner might be on the lookout for, you can avoid engaging in these behaviours to avoid rousing suspicion.

Sign of Infidelity	Description	Mitigation
Overly Guarding Your Phone or Devices	Excessive protectiveness (frequent password changes, keeping devices out of sight)	Transparency with technology (within reason)
Becoming Emotionally Distant	Pulling back from conversations, appearing uninterested in your partner’s life	Remain engaged and supportive
Changes in Routine Without Explanation	Sudden late nights, unexpected trips, unusual activities without explanation	Maintain consistent routines or provide legitimate reasons
A Dramatic Shift in Appearance	Increased attention to appearance (new clothes, hairstyle, fitness)	Balance self-improvement with open communication
Excessive Criticism or Accusations	Unfairly criticising partner, baseless accusations of infidelity	Keep conflicts fair, avoid projecting guilt
A Noticeable Decline in Physical Intimacy	Reduced physical affection, avoiding intimacy	Be mindful of maintaining physical connections

Understanding Why People Cheat (& Why You Might Be Feeling This Way)

Cheating can happen for a lot of reasons, and it’s different for everyone. At its core, though, infidelity often comes down to unmet needs – whether they’re emotional, physical, or psychological. 

When someone feels unappreciated or undervalued in their relationship, they might look outside for that validation and connection they’re missing. Feeling seen and understood by someone new can be tempting. 

Sometimes, it’s also just that the relationship has run its course. Things might feel stale or predictable, and the excitement of something new can feel like a spark that’s been missing. 

When these feelings come up, the best thing to do is talk to your partner first. It might be something you can work through together. 

But if you’ve been communicating for years and nothing changes, it’s not hard to see why some people might stray.

If your relationship feels at an impasse and you don’t want to walk away for your children or financial reasons, using a site like Illicit Encounters can ensure your needs are met in a discreet and secure way with other people who are looking for the same thing. Sign up for a free account to talk to like-minded people today.

Explore Non-Monogamy With Illicit Encounters

Infidelity is a tricky topic, full of grey areas and complexities, which is why it’s so hard to make sense of for partners on both sides of the coin.

Relationships can be tough to navigate, and understanding why things like cheating happen is key. Whether it’s about unmet needs, a craving for something new, or unresolved past issues, cheating often points to deeper problems that need attention.

If you’re feeling stuck in a relationship or marriage that’s lost its spark, why not explore your options? Sign up for a FREE Illicit Encounters account and connect with others who feel the same way. It could be the first step to finding happiness again.

Updated: 9th January 2025

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