Polyamory is a multifaceted thing – the clue’s in the name – and while this can be what makes it so confusing for some people, it’s also what makes it so amazing. There are multiple types of ethical non-monogamy that polyamorous people might engage in, one of which is known as kitchen table polyamory.
Kitchen table polyamory is a specific type of polyamory that involves complex emotional connections throughout a polycule.
If you think your relationship might be suited to kitchen table poly, read on to find out more about it.
What is Kitchen Table Polyamory?
In short, kitchen table polyamory is a type of poly relationship where all members of a polycule share some form of emotional connection, meaning that they could all sit around the kitchen table and have a conversation.
Of course, this is a hypothetical scenario; no one has to sit around a kitchen table to practice this type of polyamory. It’s just an affectionate way to refer to the close and open relationship between partners and metamours.
The connection between members of the polycule can take any form, be it platonic, romantic, sexual, or all three. All partners know about the existence of everyone else, have met each other, and get along with each other.
[quote]“Polyamory allows for greater freedom in how we relate to others and lets relationships develop and grow into whatever they can be. This appeals to those of us who don’t like to feel restricted, who enjoy going with the flow – and who like falling in love with and forming deeper romantic connections with multiple people.” – Dr Zhana Vrangalova, Sex & Relationships Expert & Consultant
Kitchen Table Polyamory vs Other Non-Monogamous Relationships
| Kitchen Table Polyamory | Polyamory | Open Relationship |
| Multiple partners involved in the primary relationship | Multiple partners in the primary relationship | 2 partners in the primary relationship |
| All partners are involved & aware of each other, sharing an emotional connection | All partners are involved in the relationship | Dating outside of the primary relationship is kept separate |
The thing that separates kitchen table polyamory from other forms of ethical non-monogamy is that emotional connections are the cornerstone of these relationships.
It’s not enough that the partners in the polycule are aware of each other and have met each other, which is a clear difference from an open relationship. Everyone needs to share their own emotional connection, whatever form that takes.
This relationship structure emphasises the benefits of familiarity, intimacy, and mutual respect among all members, often extending beyond romantic or sexual connections.
These deep emotional bonds often make the dynamics of kitchen table polyamory possible, allowing for the coexistence of multiple relationships in a supportive, harmonious setting.
What are the Key Parts of Kitchen Table Polyamory?
The defining characteristic of kitchen table polyamory is the emotional relationships that make up the polycule. And knowing how to navigate this dynamic is important for maintaining the harmony of the relationship.
Navigating multiple emotional bonds in an ethical polyamorous relationship requires respect for individual boundaries and a commitment to emotional authenticity.
Acknowledging and respecting individual boundaries helps maintain a healthy balance in the relationships, ensuring everyone’s emotional well-being. Embracing emotional authenticity involves being honest and transparent about one’s feelings and fostering genuine connections that are built on trust and mutual respect.
Developing these skills facilitates the management of multiple emotional connections, ensuring that all relationships within the polyamorous structure are nurtured and valued.
#2 Communication is Key
As with any kind of poly relationship, communication is the key to ‘success’. In a kitchen table poly relationship, open and honest communication is needed in the polycule.
Creating an environment where all partners, regardless of status with other people, can be heard, respected, and loved is paramount to maintaining harmony within the polycule.
This level of communication also allows for better decision-making, problem-solving and conflict resolution. By fostering an open dialogue between all parties involved, potential issues can be addressed and resolved before they become bigger problems.
#3 Dealing with Jealousy & Insecurity
As with any type of polyamory or romantic relationship, there will be times when jealousy or insecurity arise.
The dynamic of kitchen table monogamy is designed to be as open, accepting, and loving as possible – but that doesn’t stop people from becoming jealous of other partners or from feeling insecure in themselves from time to time.
Because kitchen table polyamory is based on shared emotional connections between all partners, having open dialogue when a problem arises is naturally easier.
It’s also why having a strong sense of self and being secure is important before entering kitchen table polyamory. The more accepting you are of yourself, the less likely you’ll face hiccups of jealousy or insecurity.
#4 The Role of Community
The special thing about kitchen table polyamory is the sense of community and family that it fosters. Because these close emotional connections are at the heart of this branch of polyamory, having a supportive and understanding community makes all the difference in creating a successful and fulfilling experience.
In a kitchen table polycule, all members are encouraged to form connections with each other, not just the romantic partners. Everyone is involved in all aspects of the relationship, from decision-making and problem-solving to celebrating each other’s milestones and achievements, leading to a more equal and fair dynamic.
| Polyamory educator Leanne Yau says: “Imposed hierarchies can be toxic and even abusive in some situations if not handled carefully. For example, veto power, where you give your primary partner the option to force a break up between you and your other partners if they feel they are being disruptive to your connection, dislike them, or literally any other reason.” |
#5 Setting Relationship Boundaries
Making sure the polycule is a safe space for all partners is paramount for successful kitchen table poly relationships. This is important conversation that you should have at the beginning of your relationship, and one you should continue to have as new partners enter your dynamic.
Of course, this will look different for all kitchen table relationships, but some typical ‘ground rules’ and boundaries can include…
- Adopting a collective commitment – Emphasise empathy, acceptance, & respect among all partners. Open dialogues about expectations, fears, & boundaries are essential for understanding & meeting each other’s needs.
- Regular check-ins – Organise frequent discussions to address any changes in feelings or circumstances. This ensures that every partner’s voice is heard & valued, maintaining an atmosphere of non-judgement & emotional security.
- Conflict resolution – Address conflicts constructively & collectively, avoiding escalation. Active listening is key to understanding diverse perspectives & finding solutions that respect everyone’s emotional well-being.
- Cultivating community – Enhance the sense of belonging & unity through shared activities or traditions. This creates a safe, inclusive space integral to the emotional safety of the relationship.
It’s important to be realistic about adding new people to the polycule. It’s human nature for some people to not get along, for views to be misaligned, and for personalities to clash. This can lead to some difficult decisions being made. Just remember that the whole group should be in agreement before big decisions are made.
How to Overcome Challenges in Kitchen Table Polyamorous Relationships
No matter how strong your emotional connection may be at the start of your relationship with a poly partner, it might begin to wane over time. It’s natural for any relationship to face bumps in the road, but maintaining a strong foundation is so important for nurturing the relationship.
- Practice open communication – Speak honestly about your feelings & encourage others to do the same, even if it’s a difficult conversation.
- Acknowledge & accept emotions: Recognise & validate each other’s emotions. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling — being aware of it is the first step towards addressing it.
- Set clear & fair boundaries: Establish clear boundaries & respect them. It helps to maintain personal space & relationship health.
- Celebrate each relationship: Every relationship is unique. Celebrate the individual connections you have with each partner & enjoy what you have!
- Prioritise self-care: Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of your emotional health to be able to nurture others.
- Consistent check-ins: Regular check-ins can help address issues before they escalate, keeping the relationship dynamics smooth and balanced.
Summary: The Dynamics of Kitchen Table Polyamory
Kitchen table polyamory can be an emotionally rewarding and special thing for a lot of people. If you feel like a regular monogamous relationship isn’t fulfilling for you, trying different types of polyamory just might be the solution.
Find a community of polyamorous people and explore the dynamics of kitchen table polyamory together.
Read and learn more about non-monogamy and relationships over on our blog!
FAQs
How is Kitchen Table Polyamory Different from Parallel Polyamory?
Kitchen table polyamory is based on all members of the polycule having an emotional connection with each other.
Parallel polyamory is the opposite of that – metamours have no relationship with each other at all; their lives never cross. It’s important to note that the relationships aren’t secret, just separate.
Do Kitchen Table Connections Have to Be a Romantic Relationship?
No, the emotional connections between members of the polycule don’t have to be romantic. Some of the connections can be romantic or sexual, but they all need to be friendly. It’s the emotional bond of the relationship that makes it an ideal kitchen table dynamic.
What is the Hardest Part of Polyamory?
The most challenging aspect of polyamory often lies in managing complex emotions like jealousy and insecurity while maintaining open and honest communication. It also involves effectively managing time and attention between multiple partners, ensuring that everyone’s needs are met.
What is a Hinge in Polyamory?
A hinge in polyamory refers to a person who has romantic relationships with two or more people who aren’t romantically linked to each other. These separate relationships form a ‘V’ shape, with the hinge being at the centre. The hinge partner is usually committed to open and honest communication to ensure all parties feel valued, respected, and fulfilled in the relationship.
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