What is Classed as Cheating Nowadays?

Wondering whether something your partner has done is technically cheating? Or maybe you’ve done something questionable and are worried about how your partner will react? Exactly what is classed as cheating nowadays can be a bit blurry, but here’s what you need to know.

Having sex behind your partner’s back is a clear-cut case of infidelity, but not all cheating is as obvious. Is a flirty comment the same as kissing someone? What about emotional connections with someone outside of your relationship? And where does social media fit into all of this?

With so many ways to interact with people, cheating can no longer be divided into kissing, having sex, and flirting quite as simply as it once was. 

If you’re being accused of cheating because of the social media accounts you follow, or you want to know where the line is to avoid infidelity, knowing what’s reasonably considered cheating is more important than ever.

We’ve done our best to break things down into your most commonly asked questions to provide some clarity on where these things stand with your relationship.

So, What is Considered Cheating in a Marriage?

It’s not easy to give a straight answer to “What is classed as cheating in a relationship?” when there’s not an absolute firm definition of what’s acceptable and what isn’t. 

The definition of cheating often comes down to how the people in the relationship perceive it.

Most commonly, examples of cheating can be defined as: • Sex with someone else • Emotional intimacy with someone else • Having a cyber affair • Flirting and micro-cheating • Watching pornography

As you can see, there’s a real range here, and there are a lot of grey areas. So, we’ve broken down the most common questions we hear about what counts as cheating to help give a clearer picture.

Is a Drunken Kiss Classed as Cheating?

Whether a drunken kiss counts as cheating really comes down to the couple and the boundaries they’ve set. For some, any kind of physical contact with someone else is a dealbreaker, while others might see it as a one-time mistake, especially if alcohol is involved.

It also depends on the level of trust in the relationship. Couples who communicate well and have a solid foundation might be able to work through it more easily, forgive yourself and each other, or simply laugh it off.

Plus, it’s worth thinking about the context – was the kiss part of a bigger pattern of behaviour that could be considered problematic, or did it involve someone like an ex or a close friend, who could make it feel like a bigger betrayal and bring up some deeper feelings?

Is Flirting on Social Media Classed as Infidelity?

Flirting on social media – whether it’s in comments or sliding into DMs – can definitely feel like cheating to a lot of people.

Sure, there’s no physical contact, but the emotional side of it can hit just as hard. DMs, in particular, can sting because they’re private, which often makes it feel more intentional and secretive. However, flirting publicly in comments sections can feel humiliating for your partner and cause a bigger blow-up.

Of course, flirting in person is a whole other thing. It’s direct, it’s face-to-face, and for some, that makes it an even bigger breach of trust than just messaging an Instagram model who doesn’t really care who you are. That’s why it’s more readily considered clear-cut cheating.

Does Subscribing to Only Fans Constitute an Affair?

Watching free porn is often seen as a harmless way to enjoy some self-pleasure, and most people wouldn’t consider it cheating. But subscribing to an OnlyFans model can feel like a different story. 

Why? 

It’s all about the level of interaction and personal connection.

When you pay for a subscription, you’re not just watching content, you’re financially supporting a specific person. In many cases, you can even communicate directly with them or request customised content, which adds a whole new layer of involvement.

This feels very different from scrolling through free porn, where there’s no personal connection. For someone in a relationship, this added interaction and sense of intimacy can blur the line between casual consumption and emotional betrayal.

The exclusivity and personal touch of OnlyFans can spark feelings of jealousy or hurt, as it might feel like a romantic or emotional investment in someone outside the relationship. It’s not just about watching anymore – it’s about engaging, and that can make all the difference.

Is Porn Still a Hot Topic, or Does it Depend on Different Types?

The question of whether porn counts as adultery in a marriage often depends on the type of content being consumed. Traditional stuff like adult magazines or free porn sites tends to feel more detached for most people – it’s usually just passive consumption without any real interaction.

But the rise in popularity of platforms like OnlyFans has changed the game forever! They offer a more personal experience, where creators can tailor content to individual subscribers. This level of interactivity can blur the lines, making it feel less like simple consumption and more like a personal connection.

That’s where things get tricky. Questions about emotional fidelity reasonably come into play. 

Ultimately, there’s a significant difference between consuming free porn to get off and help you relax and paying for custom content from a model.

While we’re generally of the opinion that watching porn doesn’t constitute cheating, the more you interact with sites like OnlyFans, the more blurred the lines become. There are better ways to revive a dead bedroom.

Emotional Cheating vs Physical Cheating – What’s the Difference?

The difference between emotional and physical cheating really comes down to the kind of connection someone forms outside their relationship. 

Emotional cheating usually happens when someone builds a deep emotional bond with someone else – sharing personal details, confiding in them, and prioritising that connection over their partner. It’s like giving away the emotional energy that should be strengthening their relationship.

Emotional cheating signs include: 1. Excessive Communication: Frequently communicating with someone outside the relationship more than with their partner can be a sign of emotional cheating. This includes texting (yes, and sexting!), emailing, or messaging on social media. 2. Secrecy and Lies: Hiding conversations or being vague about who they’re talking to may indicate emotional investment elsewhere. This could involve deleting messages or using code names. 3. Emotional Distance: A decrease in emotional intimacy and connection with their partner, often paired with a lack of interest in their partner’s thoughts or feelings. 4. Prioritising Time: Choosing to spend time or share experiences with someone else over their partner. This might include looking forward to these interactions more than time with their partner. 5. Sharing Personal Details: Confiding in someone else about personal issues or relationship problems that should stay between partners, breaching intimacy and trust.

Physical cheating, on the other hand, involves actual physical intimacy – things like kissing, hooking up, or anything else that crosses the boundaries of exclusivity a couple has agreed on. It’s a more obvious line to cross, but the impact can be just as significant.

Physical cheating signs include: 1. Unexplained Absences: Frequently disappearing without a clear or believable explanation and being evasive about their whereabouts. 2. Increased Secrecy: Hiding phone conversations & messages or suddenly changing passwords to ensure privacy from their partner. 3. Changes in Intimacy: A noticeable decline or change in the frequency and quality of intimacy with their partner, often accompanied by signs of detachment. 4. New Interest in Appearance: Taking extra care in their appearance or personal grooming without a clear reason, such as a new job or hobby, which could indicate a desire to impress someone else.

Neither type of cheating is necessarily “worse” than the other. Both can hurt deeply and damage a relationship. Emotional cheating can leave a partner feeling neglected or replaced, while physical cheating often breaks trust and challenges the exclusivity of the relationship. 

Either way, cheating can be a sign that your marriage is dying.

Why Do People Cheat On Their Marriage?

A lot of people ask “why?” when they find out their partner has cheated, and honestly, it’s a completely understandable question.

The truth is, there are plenty of reasons why people cheat. Sometimes, it’s because their needs – whether sexual or emotional – aren’t being met. Other times, it’s about the thrill. They crave that sense of danger and excitement that comes with taking a risk.

For some, it’s not about excitement at all – it’s about feeling lonely or disconnected. And in some cases, people cheat because they’re just not ready for a long-term commitment. They might feel trapped, or like they haven’t lived enough of their life yet.

Is it Possible to Still Love Your Partner if You Cheat?

Yes, you can still love your partner even if you cheat. Love is complicated – it goes beyond just physical or emotional connections. It’s about shared memories, commitment, and a deep bond that isn’t always defined by one mistake.

Cheating can definitely hurt trust, but it doesn’t mean the love is gone. Sometimes, it’s more about personal struggles or unmet needs in the relationship that need attention.

You can read more about the phenomenon of loving someone and cheating on them in our post about when love isn’t enough to keep your relationship strong. 

Final Thoughts: What is Actually Considered Cheating?

Cheating today isn’t just about physical infidelity – it can also mean emotional affairs, secret messaging, or even using dating apps. Technology has blurred the lines, and things like having online connections or sharing personal details with someone outside your relationship can feel like betrayal.

Relationships are always evolving, and what counts as cheating really comes down to personal boundaries, open communication, and what you and your partner agree on.

If you’re struggling to have your needs met in your relationship or are leaning towards opening your marriage, why not sign up for a free Illicit Encounters account to chat with like-minded people?

FAQs