A Guide to Open Marriages: What Are They, Do They Work & Could It Be For You?

If you’re new to non-monogamy, knowing which particular vein is best for you can be difficult. Many couples start by opening their marriage – but what is an open marriage, and do they ever actually work?

Open marriages have indeed worked for many couples (even celebrity couples like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith), and the boost in communication and trust can even strengthen their bond.

If you’re feeling unfulfilled in your relationship but don’t want to end things, trying a new dynamic can make a world of difference. Like they say, a change is as good as a rest!

But it’s important to do your research first.

What is an Open Marriage Relationship?

An open relationship is when both partners agree they can have romantic or sexual relationships with others outside their main partnership.

It’s all about mutual understanding and trust, giving the couple more freedom and flexibility to explore connections beyond their marriage.

This setup can vary a lot and is customised to fit the boundaries and preferences of those involved.

While it opens up opportunities for growth and exploration, it also calls for clear communication and agreement to handle any potential challenges and emotional dynamics effectively.

Open Relationship Vs Polyamory

In an open relationship, partners agree to let each other have romantic or sexual encounters with others, usually for the physical connection.

Polyamory is a bit different – it’s abouthaving multiple romantic relationships with everyone’s knowledge and consent, focusing more on deep, emotional bonds.

Both rely on communication and consent, but polyamorous relationships often involve a deeper emotional connection with multiple partners, while open relationships tend to focus more on the physical side.

Is an Open Marriage Legal?

An open marriage is usually legal everywhere because it doesn’t alter the marriage’s legal status.

Marriage laws focus on spouses’ rights and responsibilities, not monogamy. The key is mutual agreement and consent among all involved adults.

Ensure it doesn’t breach prenuptial or cohabitation agreements, which could lead to legal issues during a divorce. Open and honest communication is crucial for both legal and personal reasons.

Do Open Marriages Usually Last?

The longevity of open marriageslargely depends on effective communication, mutual trust, and satisfaction within the arrangement.

While some couples in open marriages may feel more fulfilled than those in monogamous relationships, they also face challenges such as jealousy or feelings of neglect.

Open marriages can endure, but they require both partners to commit to open dialogue and emotional honesty to navigate any difficulties that arise.

With that being said, what do the experts think?

Integrative Psychologist Kelly Hearn says: “In my client work, I have seen nonmonogamy work for some couples, albeit for far fewer than those who try it. A key factor to consider is the strength and stability of the primary relationship. Where the love, commitment and communication are solid, this can create a ‘secure base’ from which to open things up.”

Therapist Samantha Eisenberg, MSW, LCSW, MED, LMT, says: “Another thing to consider is that if you both aren’t getting something good out of opening the relationship, then it decreases your odds of having a happy, open relationship. In other words, don’t open your relationship just to make your partner happy because that can breed resentment.”

If you’re thinking about opening your relationship and want to get some professional guidance before you jump straight in, you can find a licensed relationship counsellor on the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy Register.

Rules for a Successful Open Marriage

If you move ahead with opening your marriage, there are a few key rules to keep in mind to help protect everyone’s feelings and respect boundaries as you embark on this exciting journey!

1. Communication is Key

Clear and open communication is fundamental to reviving your marriage by opening it. Both partners should feel comfortable expressing their needs, boundaries, and any issues that may arise.

Regular check-ins can help both partners ensure they are on the same page and address any changes in feelings or expectations.

2. Establish Clear Boundaries

Setting firm and clear boundaries is essential to create a secure and trusting environment for both partners.

This could involve discussing: What types of relationships are permissible Time spent with others Any emotional involvement outside the marriage Number of casual encounters

Respecting each other’s boundaries ensures everyone feels valued and avoids potential misunderstandings or conflicts.

3. Prioritise the Primary Relationship

While exploring connections and feeling chemistry outside the marriage, it’s crucial to prioritise the primary partner.

Dedicating time and energy to nurture and maintain the marriage strengthens the bond between partners and reassures them of their importance in each other’s lives.

Regularly reassessing the dynamic and ensuring that both partners’ needs are met can help sustain a healthy and fulfilling open marriage.

Is an Open Marriage Right for You?

If you’re sat reading this considering whether or not an open marriage could be just the thing to spice up your relationship, it’s important to approach the decision with caution and honesty.

Both partners must be fully on board and consent to the arrangement for an open marriage to work.

To help you weigh up your decision, think about the possible pros and cons of entering this relationship dynamic, as well as how your current situation would need to change.

The Pros & Cons

Pros
Increased Emotional Fulfilment Open marriages can provide individuals with a greater sense of emotional fulfilment by allowing them to explore their desires and needs without feeling trapped or restricted.		Greater Sexual Satisfaction Open marriages can provide individuals with a wider range of sexual experiences and potentially enhance their sex life.
Enhanced Communication Open marriages often require strong communication skills to address potential challenges and maintain healthy relationships. This can lead to improved communication in other areas of life.		Strengthened Primary Relationship Open marriages can actually strengthen the primary relationship by fostering trust, honesty, and open communication.
Cons
Social Stigma Open marriages may face social stigma and judgement from others, which can be emotionally challenging.		Increased Risk of STIs Open marriages can increase the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) if proper precautions are not taken.
Potential for Jealousy Open marriages can lead to feelings of jealousy and insecurity, especially if one partner feels neglected or inadequate.		Increased Stress Navigating an open marriage can be stressful, especially if there are significant differences in expectations or communication styles.

Consider Your Current Marriage’s State

There are a few signs that you should look out for if you’re wondering whether an open marriage might be right for you.

If you and your relationship match the majority of these signs, an open marriage could be just what you need!

Strong Communication Skills: You and your partner consistently communicate openly and effectively about your needs, desires, and any concerns that arise. High Levels of Trust: There is a solid foundation of trust, making both of you feel safe in exploring relationships outside your marriage. Desire for Exploration: You both have a genuine wish to explore romantic or sexual connections beyond your current relationship. Mutual Interest: Both partners express interest and enthusiasm about the idea of an open marriage rather than feeling pressured or reluctant. Emotional Maturity: You both demonstrate emotional maturity to handle potential jealousy or feelings of insecurity constructively. Clear Boundaries: You can establish and respect clear boundaries that align with each other’s comfort levels and relationship needs. Commitment to Each Other: Despite seeking fulfilment outside the marriage, there remains a strong commitment to nurturing and maintaining your core relationship. Prior Experience or Interest in Non-Monogamy: Either or both partners have previous experience with non-monogamous lifestyles or a long-standing interest in them.

How to Open Your Marriage

Opening a relationship, especially a traditional marriage, requires careful planning and mutual agreement. Rather than diving straight into it, there are several steps to take in order to successfully open your marriage.

If you go too fast too soon, you may risk damaging your relationship and causing unnecessary hurt to each other. Here are some tips on how to open your marriage:

Initiate the Conversation

Approach the topic honestly and thoughtfully. Choose a time when both partners are open and available for a sincere dialogue. Ensure that this discussion doesn’t come as a surprise or feel like an ultimatum. Find out how to bring up the conversation with your partner.

Discuss Motivations

Clearly express why you or both of you are interested in an open relationship. Understanding each other’s motives can help clarify intentions and ensure that both partners are on the same page.

Set Clear Expectations & Boundaries

Agree on what both of you find acceptable and unacceptable. This might include limits on types of relationships, frequency of seeing other people, or any other considerations relevant to your relationship.

Create Guidelines

Establish rules for handling logistics – such as how and when partners will share information about their external connections and how to protect the existing relationship.

Address Concerns & Insecurities

Openly discuss potential worries or insecurities. Validate each other’s feelings and plan how to manage emotions, like jealousy, that might arise.

Ensure Regular Check-Ins

Set regular intervals for checking in with each other to see how the arrangement is working and address any changes or concerns that might arise. This ongoing communication is key to maintaining a healthy, open relationship.

Seek Guidance if Needed

If you encounter difficulties or need help navigating the complexities of an open relationship, consider therapy or counselling – either individually or as a couple.

What to Do if Your Open Relationship Isn’t Working

Dealing with challenges in an open relationship is pretty common, so it’s important to handle them thoughtfully.

Start by taking a step back to figure out what’s causing any issues or unmet needs. Have an honest conversation with your partner, making sure you both get to share your feelings and concerns without interruptions or judgments.

Think about why you started the open relationship in the first place and see if those reasons still make sense. This can help guide your next steps, like adjusting guidelines to better match your emotional needs and comfort levels.

If talking things out is tough or doesn’t get you anywhere, seeing a relationship counsellor could offer some neutral guidance.

Taking a break from the open setting might also help you reconnect and strengthen your bond.

At the end of the day, it’s all about respecting each other’s choices. An open relationship might not be the best fit for both of you anymore. If that’s the case, work together to figure out what’s next.

By approaching this with empathy and patience, you can navigate the situation, whether that means adjusting the open relationship or choosing a different route.

Final Thoughts: Open Your Marriage With Illicit Encounters

Illicit Encounters gives you a discreet, secure way to open up your marriage while keeping everything private and respectful.

The supportive community and resources are there to help you navigate the complexities of an open marriage, keeping clarity, communication, and mutual respect as priorities.

Sign up for a free Illicit Encounters account today to get started on your open marriage journey!