Every relationship has its ups and downs, but what do you do when you realise “I love my wife, but I’m not sexually attracted to her”?
This is a question that many of us face at some point in our relationship, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of the road for your marriage.
We’ve broken down this common marriage issue into causes, remedies, and advice on how to either regain the physical attraction in your marriage or regain your own sexuality for your overall well-being.
What Causes Men to Lose Sexual Attraction to Their Wife?
There are plenty of things that can cause a man to lose sexual attraction to their wife, especially over the course of a long marriage.
Here are some of the most common reasons why your attraction to your wife might fade over time.
1. A Lack of Intimacy
A lack of physical and emotional intimacy can reduce sexual attraction. When partners drift apart emotionally or aren’t physically connected, the sense of closeness fades.
This distance can make it harder to maintain sexual attraction.
In fact, it can affect our emotional connection with our spouse as well, leaving both parties feeling unloved and unwanted.
2. Poor Mental Health
Poor mental health, whether yours or your spouse’s, can seriously impact sexual attraction. Conditions like depression, anxiety, and stress can lower libido and desire.
When one partner struggles with mental health, it can create a barrier to intimacy. They may feel disconnected, exhausted, or overwhelmed, making it hard to engage emotionally or physically.
This mental fatigue can weaken the closeness that fuels sexual attraction.
Additionally, poor mental health can lead to changes in behaviour and routines, like neglecting self-care or losing interest in activities. These changes can disrupt the relationship, making the unaffected partner feel neglected.
This cycle of withdrawal can harm the relationship, reducing sexual attraction and deepening the divide between partners.
How to get mental health support as a man Getting mental health support as a man can be difficult due to continuing stigma. Here are some ways you can reach out if you’re struggling:
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3. Changes in Physical Appearance
Changes in physical appearance, such as weight gain, ageing, or altered grooming habits, can impact sexual attraction over time.
As partners evolve physically, the initial spark may dim if one or both partners struggle to accept these changes. If these shifts trigger feelings of dissatisfaction or disinterest, they can lead to decreased desire.
This can feel like a shallow way to look at your wife, especially if physical changes are a result of pregnancy.
However, that doesn’t mean they’re not valid, and it doesn’t mean you don’t love your wife.
4. Monotony Creeps Into Your Sex Life
Monotony can seep into long-term relationships, causing sexual attraction to wane. Over time, routines can become predictable and dull, quashing excitement and desire.
This familiarity, while comforting, can overshadow the spontaneity and passion that fuel sexual chemistry, leading to decreased attraction.
This is one of the easiest causes of lack of sexual attraction to fix because it just requires a little bit of imagination and effort.
Why not check out our 14 Sexual Drinking Games to Spice Up Your Sex Life?
5. Rough Patches Lead to Tension
Rough patches, constant tension, and frequent arguments can create a hostile environment, hindering sexual desire. When emotional stress dominates, it’s challenging to maintain intimacy. Resentment and frustration can build, overshadowing affection and desire.
This emotional strain distances partners, making it difficult to connect physically.
Addressing these conflicts and working towards a resolution is a simple fix for restoring closeness and rekindling sexual attraction.
What to Do If You’re Not Sexually Attracted to Your Wife
If you’re not sexually attracted to your wife anymore, there are a few things you can do to turn your relationship around and prevent ending up with a dead bedroom or asking for a divorce.
Here are our top suggestions for what to do if you’re not sexually attracted to your wife.
Try to Find the Root Cause
Understanding why you’re not feeling attracted is important because it helps you to tackle the real problems, not just the surface issues.
By identifying specific reasons – whether it’s emotional disconnection, mental health challenges, or changes in physical appearance – you can take targeted steps to fix things.
Addressing these core issues can revive your relationship, leading to a deeper, longer-lasting connection and better overall marital satisfaction.
Put Some More Effort Into Your Relationship
Investing more effort into your relationship can reignite the spark on both sides. Taking on childcare responsibilities and sharing household chores can alleviate stress and foster a sense of partnership.
This collaborative effort not only lightens the load but also deepens mutual respect and affection.
When you show that you care by contributing more actively, it can create a more harmonious home environment and make emotional and physical intimacy more attainable.
Simple gestures of support and shared responsibilities can significantly enhance your connection and revitalise your relationship.
Avoid Comparisons to Your Friends
Comparing your relationship to those of your friends can amplify feelings of dissatisfaction. Every relationship is unique, and what works for others may not be applicable to you and your wife.
By avoiding comparisons, you can focus on the strengths and specific dynamics of your own marriage without undue pressure or unrealistic expectations.
| Also, it’s important to note that you don’t know the intricacies of your friends’ relationships or how happy they truly are, so comparisons may not be accurate. |
Don’t Forget to Prioritise Your Needs
While navigating through a rough patch in your marriage, it’s crucial not to lose sight of your own needs. Taking care of yourself ensures you have the emotional bandwidth to address relationship challenges effectively.
Prioritising self-care by engaging in hobbies, exercising, or spending time with friends can provide a necessary respite from stress and offer new perspectives.
Moreover, when you feel fulfilled and balanced, you’re better equipped to support your partner and work on reigniting the connection between you both.
Maintaining your well-being is not a selfish act but a fundamental step in fostering a healthy and resilient relationship.
If you still feel sexual desire in general, getting those needs met can help you approach your bedroom issues with a more level head.
That’s where we come in! You can get your needs met through our secure platform to help unblock the sexuality in your relationship.
Is It Normal to Lose Sexual Attraction to Your Partner?
Yes, it’s normal to lose sexual attraction to your partner over time. Various factors can contribute to this, such as…
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Long-term relationships often face periods where sexual desire wanes. However, this doesn’t inevitably spell the end of the relationship.
Understanding the reasons behind the loss of attraction and taking proactive steps, such as improving communication, seeking mental health support, or reigniting intimacy through novel activities, can help restore the connection.
Mutual effort and patience are key in navigating these phases, ensuring both partners feel valued and desired in the relationship.
Recognising this as a natural dynamic can ease the pressure and facilitate constructive solutions.
Can You Reclaim Sexual Attraction?
Reclaiming sexual attraction in a marriage is possible with conscious effort and the right strategies. Implementing these strategies can help couples reignite the spark, deepen their emotional connection, and ultimately strengthen their relationship.
By prioritising each other’s needs and maintaining a sense of curiosity and adventure, couples can foster a more passionate and fulfilling partnership.
Key approaches include:
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Key Takeaways: What To Do When Sex With Your Wife Feels Like a Chore
Sexual attraction in long-term relationships naturally goes through highs and lows. It’s normal to have times of reduced desire, but these shouldn’t define your marriage.
It’s important to recognise that these changes are a normal part of any relationship and actively look for ways to reconnect.
If you’re looking to get support from outside sources, Illicit Encounters is a great resource for connecting with like-minded married people who have experience with similar situations.
FAQs
Can You Love Your Wife But Not Be Sexually Attracted?
Yes, it’s possible to love your wife deeply but not feel sexual attraction. Emotional and sexual connections can fluctuate due to various reasons, including stress, routine, or changes in the relationship. Addressing the root causes can help rekindle that attraction.
Why Do I Not Feel Sexually Attracted To My Wife?
Losing sexual attraction to your wife can stem from routine, emotional disconnection, mental health issues, or physical changes. Identifying and addressing these underlying factors through open communication, effort in rekindling intimacy, and self-care can help restore the sexual spark in your relationship.
What Is The Walkaway Wife Syndrome?
Walkaway wife syndrome refers to a situation where a wife, often feeling emotionally neglected and unheard for years, decides to leave the marriage. This usually occurs after repeated attempts to communicate her needs have failed, leading her to emotionally and physically detach from the relationship.
Can A Sexless Marriage Survive?
Yes, a sexless marriage can survive if both partners are committed to addressing the underlying issues and maintaining emotional intimacy. Seeking therapy, open communication, and finding other ways to connect can help sustain the relationship despite the lack of sexual activity.
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