Swingers parties (sometimes referred to as key parties) are becoming more popular in the world outside monogamous relationships. But what is a swingers party? And could it be for you?
When seen or talked about in films and TV shows, these parties are often shrouded in mystery or entirely misrepresented as a husband-swapping free-for-all.
The myths and misconceptions that have surrounded the swinging community for years have left people wary of getting involved. We’re going to give you an insider’s perspective on the world of swinger parties to help you understand that these events are just as much social events as they are sex parties.
So, let’s get into it!
What is a Swingers Party?
A swingers party is a party where couples and singles who are interested in ethical non-monogamy can go to spend time with like-minded people and potentially get intimate with some of them.
These parties are often kept hidden from the public. They’re either invitation only, or they’re organised through swingers communities online.
According to Rosie Kay, a non-monogamy and swinging lifestyle coach – A poll conducted in the US reported that 15 million Americans are enjoying the lifestyle. Here in the UK, it’s estimated that 1.5 million Brits have admitted to enjoying swinging.
Misconceptions Around Swing Parties
Even though the stigma around non-monogamous relationships is lifting, there are still plenty of misconceptions that surround swinging.
Fielding questions from friends or even your spouse about whether attending a swinger party means your relationship is on the rocks can leave you questioning your connection.
Of course, engaging in something that still has a stigma associated with it can have a negative effect on your psyche. It can affect our self-esteem and self-image, which can lead to issues in our relationships. It’s important to be mindful of this.
With that said, the swinging community is often a welcoming and uplifting space that should help counteract any negative effects of the stigma of non-monogamy.
The ‘Rules & Etiquette’ of Attending a Swingers’ Party
To give you a short overview, we’ve rounded up the top rules and pieces of etiquette you need to know before heading to your first swinger party.
Our Top Rules for Swingers Parties:
1. Don’t Talk About Spouses and Partners
This rule only applies when you’re alone and getting intimate with another person. No one wants to be asked if you’re better than their spouse during or after having sex with you. Swinging isn’t about getting between other couples, you should also avoid talking about your own spouse during an encounter.
No matter what’s going on in your personal life, always try to avoid complaining about your spouse to other people at the party. Swinging couples are all about sharing the love, not airing dirty laundry.
2. Make Sure You Shower
This might not be a ‘rule’ per se, but it’s more of an unspoken rule and courtesy. A big part of swingers’ parties is potentially getting intimate with other people, and no one wants to get up close and personal with someone who has B.O.
Have a thorough shower before you attend a party and make sure you get regular testing to respect the other party’s health and well-being.
3. Always Get Consent
This rule goes without saying, but it’s one of the most important ones. It can be easy for people to assume that because you’re at a sexy party, you want to have sex, but that isn’t always the case.
Some people go to sex parties for the social aspect if they’re not feeling it. It also shouldn’t be assumed that people at a swinging party want to have sex with you specifically. Always get clear consent when you swing.
4. Accept Rejection Gracefully
Swinger parties attract many different types of people; it’s what makes them so interesting and exciting.
With that said, not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, and you’re not going to be theirs either. There are going to be times when you approach someone to hook up, and they won’t reciprocate.
When this happens, don’t take it personally; they might not be interested in getting with anyone. Either way, just move on to someone else or return to your partner if you need to.
5. Be Discreet
One of the biggest rules when it comes to swinging parties is being discreet. Although there’s no shame involved in sex parties, it’s still important to practise discretion and be respectful of everyone at the party.
If you regularly attend swinging parties or you have a local group of swinging couples, you’re going to get to know people beyond their sexual preferences.
You should never discuss other people’s attendance at a swinger’s party with other people. You don’t know how open people are with their private lives, and there is still some social stigma surrounding the lifestyle.
6. Don’t Get Drunk
Sex parties are social events. In fact, they’re pretty similar to other parties in the sense that there’s going to be like-minded people, food, and drink. Although you may be nervous, especially if it’s your first time, it’s important to make sure you don’t get too drunk for your own sake at that of other guests.
Swinger parties are a safe space for people to explore non-monogamy and sexual activities. Becoming so inebriated that you can’t look after yourself can make the evening awkward and make consent a tricky subject.
7. Advocate for Yourself
This goes hand in hand with not getting too drunk. At any kind of sex party or sex club, you need to be able to advocate for yourself. Even if you attend with friends or your spouse, you might end up in separate rooms or want to play with someone; you’re going to have to set your own boundaries.
You should set clear boundaries for yourself before you attend the party to know what your limits are going to be. These boundaries should be talked about with any swinging partners before you engage in any sexual activity.
Tips for First-Timers Attending a Swingers Party
There are a few things you can do as a first-timer to make sure you have the best experience possible when engaging in swinging, including:
- Engage with the swinging community
- Make an effort
- Set your own boundaries
- Stay present
- Your comfort zone is fine
Engage With the Community
Before you think about attending a swingers party for the first time, it’s important to engage with the swinging community. You can do this on a broad scale with swinging forums and social media, or you can find your local swingers group to introduce yourself and get to know them.
Make an Effort
Swinging parties aren’t overly formal events, but it’s still important to make an effort. Make sure you shower before the party and wash yourself properly if you’re going to be engaging in sex. Choose a nice outfit that makes you feel good. No food-stained joggers allowed!
Set Boundaries for Yourself & With Your Partner
You know what your comfort level is, so you should set boundaries for yourself before you go. You can practise stating them in the mirror if you want to be sure you can advocate for yourself. Your boundaries may change as you get more comfortable with swinging – which is fine.
If you’re attending these parties with your partner, it’s important to talk about your boundaries and expectations before you arrive, but keep an open mind and communicate with each other throughout the night.
According to Allo Health – Swinging can be a fun and exciting experience, but it can also bring up feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and anxiety. It’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your partner(s) about your boundaries and feelings before, during, and after swinging activities.
Stay in the Moment
Attending your first swinger party can be nerve-wracking, so having a drink or two can be useful to calm yourself down and relax. It’s a good idea to limit yourself to just a couple of drinks to make sure that you’re present and in the moment. Swinger parties are safe spaces, but it’s sensible to be responsible for yourself.
Don’t Be Scared of Your Comfort Zone
Finally, comfort zones are there for a reason. You don’t have to push beyond it if you don’t want to. Even seasoned swingers don’t have sex at every event, so don’t feel like you have to if you’re not comfortable with it. Just soak up the atmosphere and have fun.
Always Go in Prepared
Attending a swinger’s party is not something that should be done on a whim. Thanks to the internet and social media, it’s never been easier to find local swingers groups and interact with them prior to attending a party. This can be a great way to ease yourself into the community as a beginner.
Finally, if you’ve never explored non-monogamy before, it can be difficult to know how you’ll react to engaging with other people or watching your spouse engage with other people sexually for the first time.
Make sure you’re open and honest with your partner about this throughout, and discuss boundaries before you go to protect your mental well-being.
Why Do People Swing?
It’s common for monogamous people to look at swinging and assume it’s just a way to cheat on your partner without owning the guilt that comes with it, but that’s not the case at all.
In fact, most swingers are in happy, healthy relationships and attend swinging parties together, although there are some single women and single men who engage in swinging, too.
A common misconception is that swinging is a last resort for people who are bored in their marriage or are dealing with infidelity. In reality, it’s simply another way of having a relationship.
For some swingers, sex isn’t the reason you have a spouse. Instead, they’re looking for emotional and romantic bonds with their other half. This means that sex is something that is fun and can happen with other people, like a dance or another hobby.
Swinging can also be a great way to explore what you like sexually and help you connect with other people who think as you do.
What Are the Emotional Effects of Swinging?
There are two ways that swinging can affect the emotional well-being of the swinger, and they depend on your reasons for swinging and whether it’s the lifestyle for you.
Excitement and Satisfaction
If swinging is for you and you go into it with the right attitude, and for the right reasons, it can be a fulfilling experience. You can attend parties, get to know members and create a strong community that supports you and helps you get what you need from life.
The idea of playing with people other than your spouse can be very exciting. It can also be gratifying for people to imagine or watch their spouse sexually play with other people. This is something that swinger parties can uniquely offer in a safe way.
Swinging can also be the ideal way to engage in the type of sexual activity you enjoy that your spouse doesn’t want to engage in. This can lead to a much more satisfying sex life and a more harmonious relationship.
Jealousy and Anxiety
If you’re exploring swinging for the wrong reasons, it can be an unpleasant experience and lead to worse issues in your relationship. When you enter the world of swinging to try and fix problems you’re having in your relationship, it’s likely to heighten feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and anxiety.
If your relationship is struggling or there have been instances of infidelity that you’re coming to terms with, swinging is probably not the answer. Seeing your partner jump at the chance to engage in sexual activity with other people can make your insecurities worse and cause bigger issues.
Summary: What is a Swingers Party?
The swinging lifestyle is all about understanding and respect. As long as you’re respectful of other people, and they’re respectful of you, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a great time at a swinger party.
If you’re interested in exploring the world of non-monogamy, make sure to keep an open mind and maintain clear communication with your spouse.
If you’ve tried swinging parties or you’re not quite ready to delve into this world, check out Illicit Encounters. We offer a safe online space to explore your non-monogamous desires.
What is a Swingers Party?
A swingers party is an event where people from the swinging community come together to hang out, dance, have fun, and potentially engage in sexual activity. They are often discreet affairs where like-minded people can spend time together and explore non-monogamy.
Is Swinging a Healthy Lifestyle?
Swinging can be a perfectly healthy lifestyle if you have the right attitude and you and your spouse are on the same page. Hookups in the swinging community aren’t considered cheating, so there’s no infidelity in the relationship. Of course, swinging isn’t for everyone, so it can be unhealthy for some people.
How Do You Find a Swingers Party?
It’s never been easier to find a swingers party. You can often find your local swingers community online, on social media, or through specialist sites like Illicit Encounters. Engaging with the community before being invited to a party is important to keep everyone safe
Is Swinging Considered Adultery?
Swinging is a form of non-monogamy, which means it’s not adulterous to engage in intimate interactions with other swingers. This applies as long as both parts of the couple consent to taking part in non-monogamy.