What is an Illicit Affair & Should You Have One?

The spark has gone from your marriage, and you’re wondering whether embarking on an affair is the right thing to do, but what is an illicit affair, and should you be having one?

On the surface, we’ve always been told that extramarital affairs are bad and should be avoided at all costs, but as adults, we can understand there are nuance in relationships, especially marriages. For some couples, stepping out of the relationship is a death knell, but not always.

Understanding what an illicit affair involves and whether it can actually help strengthen and improve your marriage is key to deciding the next steps to take in your love life. 

With our guide, you can make an informed decision on what’s best for you and your relationship.

What is an Illicit Affair?

An illicit affair is a secret physical or emotional relationship that happens while one or both people are already in a committed relationship or marriage.

These affairs typically involve a lot of secrecy and deception, as they have to be kept hidden from the primary relationship. They can range from emotional connections, like sharing personal feelings with someone else, to physical relationships that cross the line.

The reasons behind these affairs can vary, but they can help fulfil a need that’s being neglected in your main relationship or offer a sense of connection you no longer share with a spouse.

What Types of Affairs Should You Consider?

There are two main types of affairs that people tend to have: emotional and physical. 

These affairs can overlap in some cases, but they are distinct in their own ways.

Emotional Affairs

An emotional affair is when someone forms a strong connection with another person outside of their primary relationship. This can involve sharing personal thoughts and feelings, seeking advice and support from the other person, or developing romantic feelings for them.

These affairs may not necessarily involve any physical contact, but they’re still very real and can be very fulfilling for both partners.

Emotional affairs often start off innocently enough—a casual friendship or a work colleague that turns into something more intimate over time. 

However, they can quickly escalate into something deeper and more serious.

This type of affair is often sought out by people who feel like their emotional needs aren’t being satisfied in their primary relationship and are looking for the connection we all crave on a human level.

Physical Affairs

A physical affair is when two people engage in sexual activities outside of their primary relationship. These types of affairs can range from one-time flings to ongoing, secret relationships.

Physical affairs are often driven by desire for sexual satisfaction or physical attraction that may be lacking in the primary relationship. They may also occur due to feelings of boredom or a need for excitement and novelty.

This type of affair is often met with more condemnation than emotional affairs, but for many of us, sexual satisfaction is a major component of our romantic relationships, and it’s natural to want to have those needs met.

It’s important to remember that physical affairs come with some extra concerns surrounding your sexual health and the risk of unwanted pregnancy. 

If you’re going to indulge in a physical affair, make sure you’re proactive about birth control, get tested for STDs regularly, and talk about expectations with your affair partner.

How Might An Affair Affect Your Lifestyle?

While having an affair can meet needs that are being neglected or forgotten in your primary relationship, you have to think about how it’s going to affect your current lifestyle and how easily you can fit it in around your friends, family, and work.

Will An Affair Fit Around Your Work?

Using work as a cover for an affair can seem convenient, but it’s something you need to think through carefully.

If your job involves long hours, frequent travel, or a flexible schedule, it might give you the freedom to keep things under the radar.

But if your work routine is super structured or if your coworkers and family know your schedule well, any inconsistencies could stand out and raise questions.

It’s also important to try to keep your personal indiscretions separate from your professional life. Mixing the two—like using coworkers as alibis or overlapping work events—can easily lead to slipping up and getting caught.

Of course, if you’re having an affair at work, it can actually be the most convenient excuse you have!

Will An Illicit Relationship Harm Your Friendships?

Cheating can seriously mess up your friendships, especially if your friends find out and have strong feelings about it.

People who value trust and loyalty might struggle to accept your choices, which can lead to tension, disappointment, or even losing those friendships altogether.

It’s something worth thinking about. Losing meaningful relationships and trust with the people you care about often isn’t worth the quick thrill of secrecy and risk.

If you’re considering having an affair because you’re feeling lonely or disconnected, it’s important to think about whether those feelings will be amplified if your friends discover your affair and choose to leave.

What Does An Affair Do for Your Well-Being?

Having an affair is a complicated and controversial choice, but there’s no denying it can sometimes have a big impact on how a person feels about themselves.

For some, the attention and desire from someone else can boost their confidence and self-esteem, making them feel more valued. This renewed sense of self-worth might even spill over into their primary relationship, bringing a bit more happiness and energy to it.

Meeting certain emotional or physical needs outside of their main relationship can also create a temporary sense of balance, especially if they’ve been feeling neglected or unfulfilled.

What are the Marital Consequences of an Affair?

An affair can have all kinds of effects on a marriage—some negative, some surprisingly positive.

On the downside, it often shatters trust and emotional security, leaving deep scars that can be hard to heal. It might even lead to the end of the relationship. The betrayal can change how partners see each other and how they connect, making it tough to move forward.

But in some cases, there might be unexpected positives. 

If the affair brings personal happiness or fulfilment to one partner, it could create a more relaxed, harmonious vibe at home.

This fresh perspective might even push both partners to tackle existing issues and rekindle the marriage, improving communication and understanding.

Of course, whether things get better or worse depends on how the situation is handled and if both partners are willing to reflect, grow, and work through their challenges together.

What Happens When an Affair Ends?

When an affair ends, it can shake up everyone involved in different ways.

For the person who had the affair, the emotions can be all over the place—guilt, regret, or maybe even relief, depending on how things ended. 

They might feel the pressure to fix their primary relationship or deal with the fallout of their choices. But it can also be a moment to reflect and grow if they’re willing to face what happened honestly.

For the spouse who was cheated on, it’s usually just as complicated. Betrayal, anger, and hurt are natural reactions, and rebuilding trust—if that’s the goal—takes time and effort from both sides. 

But for some, this tough period brings clarity about what they want and need moving forward, helping them set boundaries and prioritise their emotional health.

Then there’s the affair partner, who often gets left out of the conversation. They might feel abandoned, heartbroken, or even misled, especially if they were emotionally invested in the relationship. 

If they didn’t fully understand the situation or the primary relationship involved, they could also feel a deep sense of betrayal that they need to work to get over.

In the end, everyone involved needs time to process, heal, and move forward.

Final Thoughts: How to Explore an Illicit Affair

Sometimes, having an affair can feel like the right choice to rediscover yourself and reignite a sense of passion and individuality in your life. It’s about finding a connection that lets you feel alive again without judgment.

At Illicit Encounters, our platform provides a safe and discreet space to connect with like-minded individuals seeking the same. 

Whether through meaningful conversations or meeting in person, we help you explore an extra-marital affair that respects your need for privacy and understanding.

Sign up for a free account to start talking to people who are interested in a discreet, exciting affair.

Article last updated: 01.04.2025

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