The question that arrived from a reader — let’s call her Rachel from Bristol — is one we’ve heard in various forms more times than we can count. But she put it particularly well: “I’ve been thinking about joining Illicit Encounters for months. I’ve written out the registration form in my head a hundred times. The thing that stops me every single time is fear. My husband and I share the family iPad. He knows the PIN on my phone. I don’t even have a Gmail account he doesn’t know about. I genuinely don’t know where to begin.”
Rachel isn’t alone. For every member who signs up with confidence, there’s someone who’s been hovering over the Join button for weeks — not because they don’t want this, but because the practical side feels overwhelming. So let’s take it one step at a time.
Start with a fresh email address
This is the single most important step, and it takes about four minutes. Create a brand-new email account that has nothing to do with your real name — think something forgettably generic, like a hobby combined with a random number. Don’t use Gmail if your household already has a shared Google account, because Google occasionally syncs across devices in ways that catch people out. ProtonMail (proton.me) is an excellent alternative: it’s free, encrypted, and entirely independent of any accounts you already hold. Do this on your own device, in a browser session you’ll close properly afterwards.
Incognito mode is good. Logging out is better.
Private or incognito browsing stops your browser from saving your history on that device — but it isn’t magic. If you’re signed into a Google or Apple account, activity can still sync across other devices on the same account. Get in the habit of doing anything affair-related in a private window and logging out of any accounts you use while you’re there. Better still, do it from a device that’s entirely yours: a work phone you know isn’t monitored, a tablet your partner never picks up, or an old handset you’ve kept in a drawer. If you and your partner genuinely share every device, it’s worth considering a basic pay-as-you-go SIM and an inexpensive second-hand smartphone. They’re cheap. The peace of mind is not.
Your photo is your identity — protect it
On IllicitEncounters, you can password-protect your photos so that only members you choose can see them. Use this feature. Don’t upload a photo that’s visible to everyone, and don’t use a picture that appears anywhere else online. A reverse image search takes about three seconds and can link a face across multiple platforms instantly. Crop out recognisable backgrounds, remove distinctive jewellery, and if you’re not comfortable with photos at all — plenty of members get along perfectly well without them.
What about the app?
A dedicated app on your phone is convenient but carries risk if your partner ever picks it up. Our honest advice: bookmark the mobile site in your browser instead of downloading an app. A browser bookmark can be hidden in a folder, renamed, or tucked away somewhere mundane. An app icon is considerably harder to explain. If you do use an app, check whether your phone is set to show notification previews on the lock screen — go into your notification settings and turn off preview text for anything sensitive. It takes thirty seconds.
Related Reading
If you’re considering discreet dating, understanding the full picture can help. Our press team recently explored why people trust AI more than their partner with secrets.
If your partner ever uses the same device, check whether your browser’s autofill or password manager has saved anything it shouldn’t. Most browsers have a saved passwords section — worth a look. Also be mindful of apps like Apple Photos or Google Photos, which can sync across devices if you share a family account. If you take any screenshots or save any images relating to your profile, make sure they’re not ending up in a shared album.
After all this, Rachel wrote back a few days later. She’d set up her ProtonMail, registered on the site, and uploaded a carefully cropped photo. “I feel stupid for how scared I was,” she said. “It took me about twenty minutes.”
That’s almost always how it goes. The fear is bigger than the practicality. Once you know the steps, the actual doing of it is far more manageable than the imagining of it. IllicitEncounters is built around discretion — it’s one of the reasons it’s been the UK’s most trusted platform for married dating for over twenty years. But a little preparation on your end makes an enormous difference. If Rachel’s question sounds anything like yours, you already know where to start.
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