So, you’re having an affair; it’s going well, and you might be starting to catch feelings, but how long do affairs last? Is it worth letting your guard down? And why do they end?
Like any relationship, all affairs are unique, and there’s no set timeline for an extramarital relationship to follow, but there are some situations that can cause your affair to end prematurely.
To help you understand your relationship better, we’ve outlined how long affairs last on average, what causes them to end, and whether there’s ever a chance to reconcile.
How Long Do Affairs Usually Last?
Affairs don’t have a set timeline – they can last anywhere from a few months to a couple of years.
On average, though, research suggests most affairs last about six months to a year.
That said, so much depends on the people involved, how emotionally invested they are, and the situation itself. Every affair is different, so the length can really vary from one case to another.
How Long Do Emotional Affairs Last?
Emotional affairs can last all kinds of lengths, just like physical ones. There’s no set timeline, but they often stick around longer because emotional connections tend to run deep and don’t rely on physical presence.
Having an emotional affair leaves far more room for plausible deniability, which means they’re more likely to weather suspicion from spouses than a physical affair where the evidence can be far more damning.
What Causes Long-Term Affairs to End?
There are so many things that can cause a long-term affair to end in a big blowout or just fizzle out over time. If you’re concerned about the lifespan of your affair, these are the main reasons a long-term affair ends.
#1 The Affair Upgrades Through Divorce
Some long-term affairs get ‘upgraded’ to the primary relationship through divorce or separation.
In this instance, the end of the affair marks the beginning of an exclusive relationship with the same partner.
This can be the ultimate happy ending for many people who undertake long-term affairs, and there’s no reason why an affair that graduates to the primary relationship is guaranteed to fail.
#2 Marriage Breakdown May End the Relationship
The breakdown of the primary relationship might seem like it’ll lead the way to upgrading the affair, but that’s not always the case. When the marriage breaks down, it can be tumultuous and painful for your partner making them take a step back from your relationship.
In fact, getting caught by a spouse is one of the most common reasons to call it quits on an affair.
#3 They Decided to Recommit to Their Spouse
Sometimes, having a long-term affair can cause your partner to decide to recommit to their spouse and revive their marriage. This is especially true if they find themselves starting to develop feelings for you.
If they begin to have romantic feelings for you, it might be the wake-up call that scares them into throwing themselves back into their marriage.
#4 The Infidelity Becomes Boring to Them
Affairs bring excitement to people’s lives and replace something that was missing in their lives – but when an affair becomes the norm, things can get boring again. If your partner stops feeling the thrill they felt at the start, they might end things.
When this happens, it’s not uncommon for them to seek out another affair or even try to repair their marriage.
#5 They Find a New Affair Partner
Speaking of seeking out another affair, one of the most painful reasons for an affair to end is that they find another affair partner.
Being dumped as the other woman or man can be gut-wrenching. Having the affair end in this way can make you feel like the other partner in the primary relationship and cause a lot of hurt, especially if you’ve developed feelings for your affair partner.
#6 Their Reasons for Starting the Affair Don’t Exist Anymore
All affairs start for a reason. Whether there’s a dead bedroom in a marriage or a lack of emotional connection, there’s always an underlying issue that drives someone to seek out an affair.
If that reason no longer exists, then it makes sense for the affair to end as well. This often happens when a couple starts working on their marriage and addressing the issues that led to the affair in the first place.
Here are 5 reasons why someone starts an affair that can be rectified:
- Feeling emotionally disconnected: One of the biggest reasons people have affairs is because they feel emotionally distant from their partner. If someone feels neglected or like their partner doesn’t understand them, they might look for that connection somewhere else.
- Lack of physical intimacy: When physical intimacy fades in a relationship, it can leave a gap that some people try to fill outside of it. Affairs often happen when someone’s searching for the sexual connection they’re missing at home.
- Craving excitement: Let’s face it – new experiences can be thrilling. For some, the excitement and secrecy of an affair bring an adrenaline rush that’s hard to resist.
- Needing validation: When someone feels unappreciated or invisible in their relationship, they might turn to someone else to feel seen, valued, and desired again.
- Escaping the routine: Long-term relationships can sometimes feel monotonous. An affair can feel like a break from the everyday, offering something fresh and exciting that shakes things up.
#7 They Want to Spend Time Working on Themselves
Sometimes, we take stock of our lives and realise it hasn’t gone quite how we wanted it to. In these moments, it’s common to stop doing the things that distract us from what we want, which can include an affair.
Your affair partner might end your relationship if they want to take the time to work on themselves and get their life back on track. This can be painful, but you know what they say: If you love them, let them go.
This can also be a great opportunity to do some self-improvement work of your own!
How Often Do Affairs Start Up Again?
The chances of an affair happening again really depend on the relationship. Some couples manage to rebuild trust and maintain their relationship without divorce, while others struggle to recover and might be more at risk of repeating the cycle.
A lot of it comes down to how much effort both people put into tackling the issues that led to the affair in the first place. Things like open communication, therapy, and a shared commitment to making the relationship work can make a big difference.
At the end of the day, every situation is different, and there’s no guarantee that an affair will start up again, so it’s best to try to move on if your relationship ends.
Summary: Do Affairs Ever Work Out?
Affairs are complicated and can lead to all sorts of outcomes. Some couples manage to rebuild trust and move forward, while others find it harder to recover and may even fall into the same patterns again.
Whether an affair works out really depends on the people involved, their commitment to working through the issues, and their willingness to rebuild the relationship. That said, not every affair has a happy ending, and that’s important to keep in mind.
You can find more extramarital affair advice on the Illicit Encounters blog. We publish everything from married dating advice to how to explore ENM!
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