Navigating the waters of romantic relationships can be an interesting journey, especially when exploring the realm of multiple partners. Whether driven by a yearning for variety or a natural inclination towards polyamory, there are certain ‘rules’ that’ll help keep things smooth sailing.
Here at Illicit Encounters, we know that cheating isn’t always as black-and-white as the term suggests. For a lot of people, it’s the only way to keep that ‘spark’ alight in their lives without necessarily wanting to leave their current relationship.
Whatever the reasons behind the decision to seek out multiple partners, many men and women follow certain ‘cheating rules’ to keep their affairs in check.
What is Considered Cheating?
People define cheating differently depending on their values and boundaries. But, generally, crossing physical and emotional boundaries is what’s commonly defined as cheating. This can mean kissing or having sex with someone who isn’t your partner or having a close emotional relationship with someone other than your partner.
The consequences of engaging in behaviour that’s considered cheating in your relationship will also change depending on how serious your partner considers the transgression to be. For some people, cheating isn’t the worst thing in the world. For others, it’s a hard deal breaker.
We have an entire blog post delving deeper into what is classed as cheating, so be sure to check that out, too.
What are the Rules of Cheating in a Relationship?
The truth is that a lot of people cheat in relationships. Whether that’s down to unhappiness, a loss of sexual connection, or maybe even something that’s agreed between partners (like an open relationship, although this would be considered ‘ethical cheating’).
Whatever the reason behind it, some people feel that cheating is a necessary part of their relationship and have certain rules in place to make sure that both parties are happy.
#1 Always Be Honest
If you want to successfully have multiple partners, the number rule to follow is to always be honest. This might sound counterintuitive as far as cheating is concerned, but if this is something that’s been agreed upon by all the involved partners, then honesty is key.
You don’t have to give your primary partner all the sordid details, but it’s important to keep them abreast of what’s going on and who’s involved in your life.
It’s also possible that your partner might like getting all the details, least of all because they enjoy seeing you happy. It can also potentially lead to a new phase of your relationship.
#2 Set Clear Boundaries
When it comes to extramarital affairs, it’s important to make sure you’re setting clear boundaries. Most people who cheat aren’t doing so to hurt their partner. In fact, they often go to great lengths to prevent them from being hurt.
For example, people often ensure the trail of their affair never reaches their spouse in order to keep it a secret for longer.
Setting clear boundaries to keep your escapades private is paramount, and they should be defined before you engage in extramarital activities, if possible. This way, everyone’s on the same page. If someone you’re getting close to or vibing with isn’t willing to respect your boundaries, it’s best to steer clear.
#3 Keep Track Of Your Untruths
When you choose to cheat in your relationship, there’s inevitably some level of lying involved. In order to keep your affairs secret, you need to come up with reasons to explain why you’re not home for dinner every night or why you need to be out of town for a while.
These untruths, while necessary in this situation, can easily become convoluted and difficult to keep track of. If you want to protect your partner from the fallout of your indiscretions, you need to keep track of what you’ve told them and when.
#4 Don’t Exploit Your Relationship
If you’re choosing to cheat behind your partner’s back, it’s clear that there are already problems in your relationship. These problems and stressors can become worse if your partner begins to suspect you’re not being faithful or if you become too stressed by your lies.
If your bout of infidelity is a temporary thing to help you deal with issues in your relationship, the last thing you want to do is exploit the weaknesses in your partnership in an argument. If you do this and the affair is uncovered, there’s often no way back for your relationship.
#5 Reevaluate the Situation Often
The saying goes: ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater’, but this isn’t necessarily true. Sometimes, we have moments of weakness, or we decide to cope with the stressors of life in an unhealthy, self-destructive way.
If this is how your affair began, it’s important to make sure you’re reevaluating the situation often. Cheating doesn’t last forever, and if you’re not getting anything out of it anymore, there’s no reason to carry on out of habit.
Take the time to check in with yourself and with your partner to make sure you’re not heading down a slippery slope of habitual cheating.
#6 Listen to Your Partner
Just because you’re cheating doesn’t mean that you’ve totally checked out of the relationship yet. Sometimes, people choose to cheat while they’re still deeply in love with their partner and committed to making things work.
If this is the case for you, it’s important to listen to your partner when they express concerns or ask questions about your behaviour. It can be tempting to get defensive or lie in these situations, but ultimately, listening and being honest can help prevent unnecessary hurt. It could even lead to the turn around your relationship needs.
#7 Stay Aware Of Your Feelings
You might not be cheating because you don’t love your partner any more. In fact, many people who cheat often still have deep feelings for their spouse. However, even if you still have feelings for your partner, you might begin to develop feelings for your affair partner, especially if they’re a consistent partner.
It’s important to stay aware of your feelings for your affair and your spouse. If you begin to develop feelings for your affair partner, it might be time to reevaluate everything, or it might be time to take a step back to avoid bailing on your relationship altogether.
What are the Different Types of Cheating (& Why People Do It)?
Of course, there isn’t just one way to cheat on your relationship, there are multiple types of cheating, and some are seen as being worse than others in society.
If you find yourself engaging in any of these types of cheating, it’s important to remember that they mean different things to different people.
Physical Cheating
Physical cheating, also known as sexual infidelity, involves any physical intimacy outside of a committed relationship. This can range from hand-holding, kissing, and cuddling to engaging in sexual activities with someone other than your partner.
Physical cheating is common even when there’s still love in the primary relationship. The boundaries of physical cheating can vary between relationships.
Emotional Cheating
Emotional cheating refers to forming a strong emotional bond with someone outside your relationship, often to the detriment of your primary relationship. This could involve sharing personal thoughts and feelings or seeking emotional support and intimacy with the other person.
Online Cheating
Online cheating, or cyber infidelity, involves forming romantic or sexual connections with someone other than your partner through virtual platforms. This includes activities such as flirting, sexting, or sharing intimate details via social media, married dating websites, or chat rooms.
Ethical Cheating
Ethical cheating, also known as consensual non-monogamy, is when all parties in a relationship agree to allow other romantic or sexual relationships.
Open communication and transparency are essential. Both partners set parameters to ensure feelings of respect, security, and trust remain intact. This involves discussing and understanding emotional, physical and online boundaries with any external partners.
If you want to learn more about ethical non-monogamy, check out our complete guide to ethical polyamory.
What is the Difference Between Cheating & Polyamory
Cheating and polyamory are distinct relationship models often confused. Cheating involves a breach of trust in a monogamous commitment, where one person secretly engages in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else, causing hurt and damage.
Polyamory, on the other hand, is consensual non-monogamy, where all parties accept and are aware that each person can have multiple relationships. It requires honesty, communication, and respect for boundaries.
In polyamory, love for one person doesn’t diminish the love for others. The key difference is transparency and consent.
Summary: The Cheating Rules Followed By Many
Ultimately, it’s your decision if you choose to cheat on your relationship, and there are many reasons why people opt for that. These unwritten rules of cheating not only help the cheating partner continue their affairs for longer, but they also serve to protect the cheated party from unnecessary hurt and betrayal.
If you’re looking to explore the dating world outside your relationship, sign up for Illicit Encounters today!
FAQs
What is Emotional Cheating?
Emotional cheating refers to the act of developing emotional intimacy with someone outside your committed relationship. It often involves confiding in, seeking emotional support from, or forming deep emotional connections with this person, potentially leading to feelings of romantic attraction.
How Do You Communicate When Cheating?
Communicating while cheating requires a delicate balance of honesty and deception. It involves maintaining your usual communication patterns with your partner while also keeping your extramarital activities discreet. Remember to respect your partner’s feelings and avoid raising suspicions with drastic changes in your behaviour or communication style.
Is it Ever Okay to Cheat?
Whether it’s okay to cheat is subjective and depends largely on personal values and the specifics of the relationship. Generally, honesty and respect are cornerstones of a strong relationship. However, some individuals or couples may find that certain forms of ‘cheating’, like open relationships or polyamory, are acceptable when they are consensual and communicated openly.
Is Texting Considered Cheating?
Whether texting is considered cheating depends on the content of the text messages and the opinion of your partner. If you’re sending sexually explicit messages, it’s likely to be viewed as cheating. However, it could also be classed as cheating if you’re expending more emotional energy on your text partner than your primary relationship.
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