Finding emotional or physical satisfaction outside of your relationship can feel like the only option at times. Whether you feel trapped in a sexless marriage or you just feel like your current partner doesn’t give you the emotional support you need, cheating and lying can seem like a way out.
But have you ever considered the psychological reasons behind these actions?
We’re going to take a look at the psychological reasons that lead people to cheat and lie in their primary relationships. We’ll also explore how attachment styles can play a role in making certain individuals more susceptible to these behaviours.
Understanding the Psychology Behind Cheating
When we think of cheating and lying, we often associate it with a lack of love or commitment towards our current partner. However, the reality is that people cheat for a variety of reasons, many of which are psychological in nature. Some common reasons include:
- Lack or loss of emotional attachment in the relationship
- Feeling isolated, confused, or unfulfilled in the relationship
- Desire for more excitement or sexual satisfaction than their current partner can provide
In many cases, people may not even consciously be aware of these underlying reasons. Instead, they may simply feel a sense of dissatisfaction and seek out external sources to fill the void.
Reasons Why People Cheat
There are many reasons why people end up seeking emotional or physical intimacy outside their primary relationship. Below are some of the most common reasons people report being unfaithful in their relationships.
Lack of Fulfillment in Their Long-term Relationship
One of the main reasons why people cheat is because they are not feeling fulfilled in their current relationship. This can be due to a lack or loss of emotional attachment, feeling isolated, or experiencing confusion about what they want in a partner.
When someone feels unsatisfied in their relationship, they may turn to someone else to fill the void and provide them with the emotional support and connection they crave.
Low Self-esteem or Insecurities
In some cases, people may cheat as a way to boost their self-esteem or alleviate insecurities. By seeking validation from others outside of their relationship, they may feel more confident and desired. This can be a temporary escape from their own insecurities and struggles within the relationship.
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Situational Reasons for Infidelity
Often, infidelity is not premeditated but rather a result of a specific situation or circumstance. Here are some common situational reasons for infidelity:
- Opportunity and accessibility: In today’s digital age, accessibility to potential partners has significantly increased, often leading to infidelity. Social media, dating websites, and various chat platforms make it easy to meet and connect with new people, sometimes encouraging extramarital affairs.
- Workplace relationships: Spending long hours at work, especially in a high-stress environment, can lead to the development of close relationships with colleagues. These relationships can sometimes cross professional boundaries, resulting in infidelity.
- Travel or long distance: Being away from a partner for an extended period, such as on a business trip or due to a long-distance relationship, can lead to a sense of loneliness or disconnection, which may result in seeking companionship elsewhere.
- Alcohol or substance use: Substance use impairs judgment and inhibits impulse control, increasing the likelihood of one engaging in behaviours they would typically avoid, such as infidelity.
Incompatibility Emotionally or Physically
Another common reason people cheat is due to a lack of emotional or sexual satisfaction in their primary relationship. This can stem from a variety of factors, such as differences in intimacy preferences or decreased interest over time.
Seeking out someone new can provide a sense of thrill and fulfilment that may be lacking in their current relationship.
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The Role of Attachment Styles
Attachment styles describe how we form and maintain relationships with others and also play a significant role in our pre-disposition to cheating and lying. Relationship issues are always going to affect how we act in our relationships, but our attachment style also plays a part in physical infidelity.
Understanding Attachment Styles
Attachment theory suggests that our early childhood experiences with caregivers can shape our attachment styles, which in turn can affect the way we approach relationships and intimacy.
There are four main attachment styles:
Attachment Style | APA Definition |
Secure Attachment Style | An adult attachment style that combines a positive internal working model of attachment of oneself, characterised by a view of oneself as worthy of love, and a positive internal working model of attachment of others, characterised by the view that others are generally accepting and responsive. |
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style | An adult attachment style that combines a negative internal working model of attachment of oneself, characterised by doubt in one’s own competence and efficacy, and a positive internal working model of attachment of others, characterised by one’s trust in the ability and dependability of others. Individuals with preoccupied attachment are presumed to seek others’ help when distressed. |
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style | An adult attachment style that combines a positive internal working model of attachment of oneself, characterised by a view of oneself as competent and worthy of love, and a negative internal working model of attachment of others, characterised by one’s view that others are untrustworthy or undependable. Individuals with dismissive attachment are presumed to discount the importance of close relationships and to maintain rigid self-sufficiency. |
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style | An adult interpersonal style is characterised by discomfort in being with others and a tendency to avoid intimate relationships with them. Also called avoidant attachment style, it is sometimes identified as taking two forms: dismissive attachment and fearful attachment. |
Secure Attachment
Individuals with secure attachment styles are less likely to cheat or lie due to their positive self-view, trust in their relationships, and ability to communicate effectively.
However, secure individuals are not immune to transgressions, especially when situational factors or unmet needs come into play.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment
Anxious-preoccupied individuals may cheat or lie as a way to seek reassurance or reduce anxiety. Their cheating may be an unhealthy attempt to satisfy their intense desire for love and validation. Due to their fear of abandonment, they may lie to protect their relationship or to avoid conflict.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment
Dismissive-avoidant individuals may be more prone to infidelity due to their emotional distancing and devaluing of close relationships. Their lack of emotional investment may make it easier for them to violate relationship boundaries.
They also may lie as a way to maintain their independence and avoid vulnerability.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Fearful-avoidant individuals, given their ambivalence towards intimacy, might cheat as a way to push their partners away or may do so during moments when they crave closeness. Their lying can be a way to protect themselves from the perceived threat of too much intimacy or potential abandonment.
It is important to note that while attachment styles can influence tendencies to cheat or lie, they do not entirely predict these behaviours. Many other factors, like personal values, relationship satisfaction, and situational factors, also play a significant role.
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Is Cheating in Your Genes?
This might seem like the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card when it comes to indiscretions in your serious relationship, but your personality genuinely might have something to do with your desire for an affair partner.
Recent studies have shown that there are certain personality traits that can make us more prone to seeking affair partners outside of our primary partner.
Do You Have an Unfaithful Personality?
Clinical Psychologist Deon Van Zyl from Kent Psychologist says that research has shown certain personality traits are linked to an increased desire for an affair partner.
Studies using O.C.E.A.N. (Openness to Experience, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism) have been used to show similarities between people who take on the role of the cheating partner in their primary relationship.
People who have cheated in their relationship tend to score higher on scales of neuroticism, openness to experience, and extroversion. They also score lower on conscientiousness and agreeableness.
Narcissistic traits can also play a part in whether you’re more likely to cheat. You may feel justified in your actions due to dissatisfaction in your sexual relationship, or you might just lack the self-control to resist your urges.
What Does This Mean for You?
If you find yourself being drawn towards the idea of seeking a new partner outside of your primary relationship, it might be worth considering your personality traits and how they could be influencing your behaviour.
Understanding the psychological reasons behind cheating and lying can help us to recognise potential issues in our relationships and address them before they lead to infidelity.
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Discover an Emotional Bond With Illicit Encounters
It’s important to recognise that our actions are often a reflection of deeper psychological processes. Understanding our attachment styles and personality traits can provide invaluable insights into our behaviours, allowing us to not feel guilty when we have these urges.
Cheating is rarely a black-and-white issue, but the exploration of its psychological underpinnings can foster open conversations, encouraging honesty, trust, and growth in our relationships.
If you’re looking to find people who meet your sexual desires and provide emotionally satisfying connections, check out Illicit Encounters, the ultimate affair dating app.
FAQs
Can a Lack of Emotional Attachment in a Relationship Be a Reason for Cheating?
Yes, a lack of emotional attachment can indeed be a reason for cheating. When one experiences emotional dissatisfaction or feels a lack of connection in their primary relationship, they may seek emotional fulfilment elsewhere.
This can lead to forming bonds with others outside of the relationship and could result in infidelity. It’s crucial to address these emotional gaps and improve communication to nurture the relationship and mitigate the risk of cheating.
Is There a Connection Between Low Self-esteem and Infidelity?
Yes, there can be a link between low self-esteem and infidelity. Individuals with low self-esteem may seek validation outside their primary relationships and use infidelity as a way to boost their self-worth.
However, this is not always the case, and low self-esteem alone does not predict infidelity. Other factors such as relationship satisfaction, attachment styles, and personality traits also play a significant role.
Can Workplace Relationships Lead to Infidelity?
Absolutely, workplace relationships can sometimes lead to infidelity. Working closely and sharing common professional experiences might foster emotional connections that can potentially evolve into romantic relationships, breaching the boundaries of a committed partnership.
How Do Attachment Styles Influence the Tendency to Cheat?
Attachment styles influence how we form relationships and handle trust and intimacy. Secure individuals are less likely to cheat or lie, while anxious-preoccupied individuals may do so to seek validation. Dismissive-avoidant individuals might cheat due to their emotional distancing, and fearful-avoidant individuals might do so due to their ambivalence towards intimacy. However, these styles do not definitively predict infidelity.
What are the Common Personality Traits Associated With Individuals Who Cheat on Their Partners?
Individuals prone to infidelity often display traits such as high neuroticism, openness to experience, and extroversion, coupled with low conscientiousness and agreeableness. Narcissistic traits, including a lack of empathy and a sense of entitlement, may also be associated with a propensity to cheat. However, it’s important to note that these traits don’t definitively predict cheating behaviour, as many other factors come into play.
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