The Reality of Affair Sex—What You Need to Know

One of the most tantalising aspects of infidelity is the affair sex. Being intimate with someone new is exciting and can provide a rush of adrenaline that may not be present in your long-term relationship.

Whether boosting your sex life is the sole driving force behind your extramarital affair, or it’s just a cheeky bonus, there’s no denying that diving into bed with a new person is full of thrills and even some new experiences.

But what is the reality of having affair sex, and how do you do it safely and discreetly to minimise the fallout it could cause? 

We’ve put together this guide to help you manage your expectations.

What is Having Sex in an Affair Like?

Having sex in an affair can feel pretty thrilling, and even a little intoxicating. 

A lot of that excitement comes from the novelty of being with someone new—stepping outside the routines of a long-term relationship.

There’s definitely something about the secrecy and the whole “forbidden” vibe that can make emotions run high and the connection feel more intense. 

For some, it’s a chance to explore parts of their sexuality or desires they might have ignored or never really tapped into. It can also be about feeling wanted and desired in ways they haven’t experienced in their primary relationship.

But let’s be frank: this kind of excitement can sometimes come with a price. 

The secrecy and lies needed to keep an affair going can be difficult to manage, so being completely prepared for such a commitment is vital.

“ 34.6% of cheating females and 25.9% of cheating males did so because they were bored with their sex life. ”

Source: https://couplesacademy.org/infidelity-statistics/

Can You Hide Affair Sex From Your Partner?

Hiding an affair from your partner is a tricky situation, but it’s not impossible. You just have to be careful about things.

First and foremost, you have to get smart about hiding any evidence that might be on your phone. There’s nothing more sketchy than suddenly becoming secretive about who can look at your phone! 

Instead, research private SMS apps or apps to hide photos so you don’t have to stress about your phone.

You also need a foolproof alibi if you’re going to be meeting up with your affair partner in person (which you will if it’s a sexual affair!). Saying you’re staying late at work rarely ever works. 

Either you’ve never had to do that before, so it raises red flags, or there’ll be a distinct lack of extra money at the end of the month, which will raise suspicions.

Instead, we recommend taking up an inexpensive hobby that can reasonably take up a lot of your time, like fishing, cross-country running, or Warhammer.

Do All Affairs Involve Sex?

No, not every affair involves sex. Just like how not all primary relationships prioritise sex, not all extramarital relationships are solely about physical intimacy. 

Some affairs may be emotional in nature, where the individuals seek companionship, understanding, and validation outside of their marriage. This may arise from feeling neglected, unappreciated, or misunderstood within their primary relationship.

Exactly what’s involved in an affair relationship is set out between those involved, be it a strictly-sex-only-with-no-emotions-involved type of affair, or one that runs deeper with no emphasis on sex at all.

Are Affairs Without Sex Still Cheating? Yes, affairs without sex are still considered cheating because they involve a breach of trust and emotional loyalty. Such affairs prioritise someone outside the relationship, undermining the bond and commitment shared with a partner.

How to Have Safe Affair Sex

If you know that having an affair with sex is something you want to explore, it’s important to know how to have affair sex safely for your own benefit, for your affair partner’s benefit, and for your spouse’s benefit.

Some of these may seem obvious or extreme, but you really can never be too careful when it comes to affair sex. 

Sure, we’re all adults, but the reality is that emotions can be unpredictable, and actions have consequences.

Get Checked for STDs Regularly

If you’re in a sexual extramarital affair, getting regular STD checks is super important to protect your health, your affair partner’s health, and your spouse’s or primary partner’s health.

A lot of sexually transmitted infections can show no symptoms, so you might not even know you have one. Regular testing helps catch and treat any issues early, reducing the risk of complications or spreading infections to others.

There are plenty of ways to get tested, including… – Visiting a local sexual health clinic or your doctor – Trying an at-home STD testing kits for privacy and convenience – The Family Planning Association or NHS sexual health services often offer discreet and affordable testing options – Many clinics also provide helpful advice on safe sexual practices

To lower your risk of contracting or spreading STDs, always use condoms or other protection during sex, limit the number of partners you’re with, and have honest conversations about sexual health with your affair partner.

Meet Up for Affair Sex in Discreet Locations

When you’re meeting up for an affair, choosing discreet and safe locations is key to keeping things simple and avoiding unnecessary complications.

Out-of-town motels or hotels are a great option—they offer the privacy you need and reduce the chances of being caught. It’s definitely safer than a Wetherspoon’s loo and less risky than meeting at each other’s homes, where personal items or familiar settings could lead to unwanted exposure or even emotional entanglements.

Keeping things private helps set clear boundaries and protects everyone involved.

Take Responsibility for Your Birth Control

Taking responsibility for your own birth control is crucial when engaging in a sexual affair, as it helps prevent unwanted pregnancies and reduces the risk of sexually transmitted diseases.

For women, birth control might involve using… – Long-term contraceptives, such as the implant – An intrauterine device (IUD) – Consistently taking oral contraceptives – Keeping emergency contraception accessible can provide an extra layer of protection

For men, responsibility means… – Always having condoms on hand – Using them properly every time – Not using condoms your partner supplied.

Talking openly about contraceptive options and staying consistent with birth control choices helps protect both partners and lowers the chances of any unwanted surprises.

Taking charge of your birth control is a key step in looking after your physical and emotional health.

Keep Your Priorities in Check

If you’re caught up in an affair, it’s so important to keep your priorities straight and not lose sight of your responsibilities. 

Neglecting things like your kids’ well-being, your partner’s emotional health, or other commitments can cause real harm—not just to them, but to you, too.

Chasing short-term gratification can lead to broken relationships, lasting emotional pain, and a lot of regret. Take a step back and think about the bigger picture.

Ask yourself: Are your actions hurting the people who rely on you? 

Staying true to your values and showing respect, even when things get messy, can help you avoid unnecessary pain and keep some balance in your life.

Why is Affair Sex Better Than Sex in My Relationship?

Sex and infidelity often feel more exciting and freeing compared to sex in a long-term relationship or marriage.

For starters, there are no kids or family responsibilities in the mix, so you can focus completely on the moment. There’s also the thrill of doing something forbidden, which can make everything feel more intense.

An affair can also feel like a “safe space” to explore parts of your sexuality you might not feel comfortable addressing in your main relationship. An increasing number of people are exploring other relationship dynamics, such as polyamory, ambiamory, and poly-mono relationships. 

Without the usual stresses, boredom of routines, or family obligations, it all feels more spontaneous and simple—adding a little je ne sais quoi to the appeal.

Can Your Sex Life Get Back to Normal After an Affair?

Rebuilding a fulfilling sex life after an affair isn’t easy, but it’s definitely possible. It starts with open communication, honesty, and both partners being willing to put in the work.

A big part of this is acknowledging the hurt and digging into the issues that led to the affair in the first place. It’s important to talk openly about your needs, desires, and expectations to build a healthier foundation for intimacy.

Trust takes time to rebuild, but as it grows, so can your emotional and physical connection. 

With patience, empathy, and understanding, couples can not only get back to where they were but even find new ways to deepen their intimacy and satisfaction.

Is Infidelity the Answer to a Dead Bedroom?

When intimacy is missing in a marriage, some people turn to infidelity to meet their unmet sexual needs. While it’s a controversial choice, it often comes from a desire to feel wanted and connected on a physical level.

For many of us, sexual satisfaction is an important part of our well-being, and we can see cheating as a way to hold onto that part of ourselves. 

If we’re being honest, secret affair sex is the fastest way to get the satisfaction we’re looking for.

Ultimately, it’s about being the happiest version of yourself to ensure you’re being a calm and supportive partner and family member, no matter what form that takes.

“After a few false starts, I found IE, which turns out to be the best online dating site for married people. I chatted online with hundreds of married women and met face-to-face with a few of them. IE is unique in providing a safe forum for like-minded people to share their innermost secrets and establish connections. Having an affair has changed my life since I am now a much kinder, jollier and happier person at home. So, thanks to IE for making this possible!” — RogerG2012, an Illicit Encounters user

Experience the Excitement of Affair Sex With Illicit Encounters

Looking to add some excitement back into your life? With Illicit Encounters, you can connect with like-minded people who are also seeking discreet extramarital relationships. 

Our platform offers a safe and secure space to explore and reignite that spark.

Whether you’re after a bit of adventure or looking to enhance your sex life, Illicit Encounters is the place to meet others who get where you’re coming from. 

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