Waking up and realising “I love my husband, but I’m not sexually attracted to him” can be a devastating moment, but it doesn’t have to spell the start of the end.
Sexual attraction ebbs and flows over time, especially in a long-term relationship, so there’s no need to panic yet. The dilemma is, should you tell him?
We’ll help you work through your feelings of attraction to your partner, decide how to broach the subject and ensure that your needs are still met, both emotionally and physically.
Is It Normal to Not Be Sexually Attracted to Your Partner?
It’s normal for sexual attraction towards your partner to fluctuate over time. Relationships change, and factors like stress, physical health, emotional shifts, or routine can affect sexual desire.
The key is to approach this with sensitivity and honesty.
While a lack of sexual attraction doesn’t diminish the love and connection you share with your partner, if your sexual attraction to your husband has completely dwindled and shows no signs of coming back, it can be a serious sign of the end of your relationship as you knew it.
What Causes a Loss of Physical Attraction for Women?
There are a few things that can cause a loss of physical attraction in a marriage. The causes below are some of the most common reasons why sexual attraction may dwindle in a relationship for women.
Lack of Communication
Poor communication can erode the foundation of intimacy. Without expressing needs, desires, and concerns, misunderstandings and resentment can build up, creating emotional distance.
This emotional gap can manifest as a lack of physical attraction, as partners may feel disconnected and unsupported.
Open, honest dialogue is an underrated factor in maintaining both emotional and sexual intimacy. The deeper connection it fosters is what sustains physical attraction over time.
Lack of Intimacy
A lack of intimacy in a relationship, including non-sexual forms like hand-holding and cuddling, can lead to dwindling sexual attraction.
These gestures of affection strengthen emotional bonds, fostering closeness and trust. Without them, partners might feel neglected or emotionally distant, making it harder to maintain or rekindle sexual desire.
Why not try these 14 Sexual Drinking Games to Spice Up Your Sex Life?
Rebuilding intimacy can reignite attraction, highlighting the importance of both emotional and physical closeness in sustaining a healthy relationship.
Poor Work-Life Balance
A poor work-life balance can strain relationships, leading to fatigue and stress. When work overwhelms personal life, it leaves little room for quality time, affection, and relaxation together.
This imbalance can cause emotional and physical exhaustion, especially if you have young children together, reducing sexual attraction and intimacy.
Carving out dedicated time for each other is essential in maintaining a strong, healthy relationship.
Lack of Exercise
A lack of exercise and an unhealthy diet can lead to weight gain, which might cause a decrease in sexual attraction towards your husband.
Physical changes can affect confidence and body image, creating emotional barriers. This can feel like a very shallow reason to lose physical attraction to your husband, but we all have preferences for how we want our partner to look.
Also, just because you’re not sexually attracted to his body anymore, it doesn’t mean you don’t love him still.
Excessive Drug & Alcohol Use
Excessive drug and alcohol use can greatly reduce physical attraction by changing behaviour, appearance, and health.
Substance abuse often results in erratic moods and irresponsible actions, straining relationships and eroding trust. Physical consequences, like poor hygiene, weight gain, and declining health, can also make it hard to maintain sexual desire.
Together, these factors can turn off partners and weaken their intimate connection.
Of course, if it’s you who has the issue with drugs or alcohol, the increased tension in the relationship can kill your desire for your husband.
Relationship Tension
Increased stress and tension in a relationship can create a harmful cycle that weakens sexual attraction.
When stress levels rise, either from external sources like work and financial pressures or internal issues within the relationship, it often leads to more irritability and impatience.
This heightened tension can cause more frequent arguments, misunderstandings, and emotional outbursts.
As partners clash more often, resentment and dissatisfaction can build, making the environment toxic and far from helpful for intimacy.
These negative emotions make it difficult to feel attracted to each other, as emotional distress undermines the loving and supportive atmosphere needed for a healthy sexual connection.
A Lack of Effort
A lack of effort in planning date nights, spending quality time, fulfilling work commitments, or engaging with children can significantly diminish attraction.
Neglecting these areas can make partners feel undervalued and unappreciated, leading to feelings of resentment and emotional distance.
This disconnect disrupts the romantic and sexual dynamics of the relationship, which can lead to a dead bedroom over time.
Should You Tell Your Husband You’re Not Sexually Attracted to Him?
The hardest part of not being attracted to your husband anymore is deciding whether or not you should tell him how you’re feeling.
The answer is yes and no.
Okay, we know this isn’t a helpful answer, but we can explain what we mean.
Ultimately, yes, you should tell him how you’re feeling (it’s only fair!), but you have to be very careful about how you say it.
A lack of sexual attraction doesn’t mean you don’t still love your spouse, so it makes sense to be aware of their feelings when broaching the subject.
How Should You Tell Him About Your Lack of Attraction?
Initiating a conversation about a lack of physical attraction can be daunting, but it’s essential to approach it with empathy and sensitivity. Here’s how to navigate this sensitive topic:
| Step | Description |
|---|---|
| Choose an Appropriate Time & Setting | Ensure you’re both calm, there are no distractions, and it feels like a safe space for an open conversation. |
| Start with Your Feelings | Focus on expressing your own experiences and emotions rather than pointing out his shortcomings. Use “I” statements to avoid blame (e.g., “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”). |
| Express Love & Appreciation | Before diving into sensitive areas, reaffirm your love and the value you find in him as your partner. |
| Discuss Contributing Factors | Openly talk about any stress, life changes, or other external factors that may have influenced your feelings. |
| Invite His Perspective | Encourage him to share his thoughts and feelings, ensuring the conversation is a two-way street. |
| Explore Solutions Together | Consider options to strengthen your relationship, such as:- Counselling for professional guidance – Dedicating more time to each other – Exploring new ways to connect emotionally and physically |
Emphasise that this journey is one you want to take together, reinforcing your commitment to each other and your mutual happiness.
Remember, this conversation is about finding a way forward and strengthening your relationship.
Can Your Marriage Survive Without Physical Attraction?
Yes, a marriage can survive without physical attraction, but it requires strong emotional bonds and mutual commitment.
Relationships evolve, and while physical attraction is important, other factors such as trust, respect, and companionship also play crucial roles in sustaining a partnership.
Working together to address the root causes, seeking professional help if needed, and cultivating intimacy in non-physical ways can help maintain the relationship.
Communication is key, as it ensures both partners understand each other’s needs and work towards rekindling attraction.
Ultimately, the depth of your emotional connection and willingness to support each other through changes can determine the strength and endurance of your marriage.
If you’re unsure about the future of your relationship, why not take our quick quiz to find out if you should get a divorce?
What to Do If You’re Not Sexually Attracted to Your Husband Anymore
If you’re no longer sexually attracted to your husband, start by reflecting on the underlying causes. Communicate openly and honestly with him, expressing your feelings without blame.
Together, explore solutions like counselling, improving intimacy through non-sexual activities, and setting aside quality time to reconnect.
Addressing the issue with empathy and a willingness to work on it can help rebuild the connection and potentially rekindle attraction.
Getting Your Sexual Needs Met
Of course, if your husband is unwilling or unable to work with you on improving your sexual relationship, there’s always the option of finding sexual gratification outside of your marriage.
With Illicit Encounters, you can connect with like-minded individuals in similar situations to get your needs met without abandoning your marriage.
If you’re still unsure, check out what some of our members have to say…
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Navigating a marriage without physical attraction is possible with effort and commitment. Focus on boosting emotional intimacy, communicating openly, and spending quality time together.
Using professional resources like counselling and exploring non-physical connections can help rebuild your bond.
Remember, with a strong emotional foundation, many couples can sustain and even reignite physical attraction over time.
In the meantime, you can find like-minded people at Illicit Encounters to ensure your needs are met, and you’re in a good place to work on your marriage.
FAQs
What Makes a Woman Not Sexually Attracted to Her Husband?
A woman may not be sexually attracted to her husband due to factors like stress, lack of communication, poor work-life balance, physical changes, or increased tension in the relationship. These issues can create emotional distance, eroding the intimacy and connection needed for sexual attraction.
Is It Possible to Love Your Partner But Not Be Sexually Attracted to Them?
Yes, it’s possible to love your partner without being sexually attracted to them. Love encompasses emotional bonds, shared values, and mutual respect, while sexual attraction is physical. The absence of one doesn’t necessarily mean the absence of the other, although it may strain the relationship.
Why is My Husband Not Sexually Interested in Me?
A decline in sexual interest from your husband could stem from stress, health issues, emotional distance, or relationship tension. Open communication and a supportive environment are vital in identifying and addressing these underlying factors to restore intimacy and strengthen your bond.
When to Walk Away From a Sexless Marriage?
You should consider walking away from a sexless marriage if the lack of intimacy is causing significant emotional pain and resentment, and efforts to address the issue, including open communication and professional help, have proven unsuccessful.
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