So you’ve finally run out of patience and tolerance for your narcissistic partner’s behaviour and want to file for divorce, but you’re not sure what’s going to happen when you finally pull the plug?
This is a situation that hundreds of people find themselves in, so you’re not alone. When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, things are much more complicated than they need to be, and something as difficult as divorce can make it seem impossible to leave.
But ending the relationship certainly isn’t impossible. With the right strategies and emotional preparation, you can come out stronger and more empowered than ever, ready to enter a better and happier era in your life.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is recognised by mental health professionals, such as the British Psychological Society (BPS) and the National Health Service (NHS), as a longstanding pattern of grandiose self-importance and an excessive need for admiration paired with a lack of empathy for others.Individuals with NPD often display arrogant and haughty behaviours, and though they may look highly self-confident, their self-esteem can be fragile and vulnerable to the slightest criticism. Treatment usually involves psychological therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and may vary depending on individual circumstances. |
Things to Know Before Divorcing a Narcissist
Starting divorce proceedings isn’t easy at the best of times, but it gets a little more complicated when the person you’re leaving is a narcissist.
The negative personality traits associated with narcissism can make the process much harder and take a real emotional toll on you. But knowing the things you’re likely to come up against before you file for divorce can help you prepare and have a smoother process.
A Narcissistic Spouse May Love-Bomb You
A narcissistic spouse, sensing that they’re losing control, may resort to ‘love-bombing‘ as a strategy to keep you entangled in the relationship.
This can manifest in a sudden deluge of affectionate gestures, extravagant gifts, or excessive compliments that are uncharacteristic of their normal behaviour towards you. They might flood you with messages and calls, professing their undying love or making grandiose promises of ‘change’.
Beware of this manipulative tactic; it’s designed to exploit your emotional vulnerabilities and sway you away from your decision to leave.
Expect Manipulative Legal Tactics
Anticipate that a narcissistic partner will attempt to use the legal system to their advantage during the divorce proceedings.
They might engage in tactics that aim to intimidate or overwhelm you, such as dragging out the process, hiding assets, or inundating you with legal challenges. Their goal is not necessarily to reach a fair settlement but rather to assert dominance and win at any cost.
It’s important to prepare emotionally for this possibility and ensure you have robust legal representation to navigate these complexities.
| Note: Make sure you inform your legal counsel of your spouse’s narcissistic tendencies so they can prepare for these tactics in advance. |
They Won’t Show Remorse for How They Made You Feel
When dealing with a narcissistic partner during a divorce, don’t expect an apology or any admission of guilt for the pain they’ve caused.
Narcissists often lack empathy and find it difficult to acknowledge their role in the breakdown of the relationship. Even when confronted with the emotional turmoil they’ve inflicted, they’re unlikely to show genuine remorse or take responsibility for their actions.
This lack of compassion can be particularly distressing when you’re trying to communicate the reasons for ending the marriage. The key is to have a strong sense of self-worth and recognise that you don’t need their validation or understanding to move forward.
They’ll Play the Victim
During the divorce process, be prepared for moves where your narcissistic ex-spouse might paint themselves as the victim, often placing you in the false light of the antagonist.
This tactic is aimed at garnering sympathy and support from those around them, including mutual friends, family, or even the court. They may spin tales of your alleged mistreatment to deflect from their actions and put you on the defensive.
It’s vital to remain grounded in such situations and to sustain your support network, personal well-being, and legal strategy.
They Won’t Give Up
Be prepared that divorcing a narcissist is often a drawn-out and arduous process because they’re not inclined to give up easily.
Their need to maintain the upper hand means they’ll likely resist concessions and may pursue every available avenue to prolong the proceedings. Their dogged persistence can be viewed as a means to maintain contact or as part of a broader strategy to exert pressure and cause emotional fatigue.
Get ready for a long-haul battle and maintain steadfast support and legal counsel throughout the process.
What Are Narcissists Like As Spouses?
As spouses, individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can present a unique set of challenges within a marriage.
They often come across as charismatic and confident, which can be highly attractive during the early stages of the relationship.
However, as the relationship deepens, their need for admiration and attention becomes more evident. They may expect you to continually bolster their ego and may react negatively to any perceived criticism or neglect.
They’re also prone to having an inflated sense of their own importance, expecting to be treated as superior, regardless of their actual contributions or achievements, which can lead to imbalanced dynamics.
| In extreme cases, narcissists can be manipulative or even abusive, whether it be emotionally, psychologically, or, less commonly, physically. The relationship may thus become a toxic environment of control and unpredictability. |
How Do You End a Marriage With a Narcissist?
Ending a marriage with a narcissist requires careful planning and a strategic approach.
It’s essential to set firm boundaries and not engage in the unnecessary conflict that your soon-to-be-ex may provoke. Here are some steps to consider:
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With these measures, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the end of your marriage with a degree of confidence and control.
Summary: Dealing With a Narcissist & Divorce
Divorcing a partner with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be a difficult and taxing journey. With their attempts to manipulate legal proceedings, lack of empathy, and portraying themselves as victims, people with NPD can make splitting more contentious.
Hiring savvy legal representation, documenting all exchanges, financial safeguarding, and robust personal support can help get you through this change in your life.
Commitment to self-care and a singular focus on personal well-being is key to alleviating the emotional and psychological strains of the divorce process.
If you need more advice or support for your relationship, check out our full blog, where you’ll find plenty of posts about navigating difficult and different relationship dynamics.
If you’re concerned about your well-being during the divorce process, don’t hesitate to seek out professional counselling or therapy.
FAQs
How Do You Outsmart a Narcissist In a Divorce?
We wouldn’t recommend going into your divorce proceedings trying to outsmart your narcissistic ex-spouse because this can lead to endless game-playing. However, we do recommend hiring legal representatives who have experience dealing with narcissists to give you the best chance of settling as quickly and amicably as possible.
Will a Narcissist Ever Settle the Divorce?
It’s challenging for a narcissist to settle a divorce as they often strive to “win” the battle. Expect them to prolong proceedings, but with proper legal counsel, patience, and negotiation, a resolution is achievable.
How Does a Narcissist React to Divorce?
Narcissists typically react to divorce with denial, anger, and attempts to maintain control. They may use emotional manipulation, delay tactics, and legal aggression to counteract feelings of rejection and to uphold their perceived superiority.
How Does a Narcissist End a Marriage?
A narcissist may end a marriage with denial, aggression, and blame-shifting, attempting to appear as the wronged party and protect their ego. They often engage in legal tactics to delay proceedings and exert control over their spouse to avoid the perceived shame of a failed marriage.
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