None of us wants our marriage to end. Even if you’re embarking on an affair, you want your marriage to be happy and stable. That’s why we’ve created our golden rules for a happy marriage whilst you’re exploring an extramarital affair.
It might sound like an oxymoron to have a happy marriage in which one partner is being unfaithful, but that doesn’t have to be the case. In fact, some of the happiest marriages feature infidelity to keep things on an even keel.
Follow our guide to find out our secrets for a successful marriage while you explore an extramarital affair to get the benefits without risking everything you’ve built together.
Our 10 Golden Rules for a Happy Marriage
Keeping your marriage happy is still a priority even when you’re having an affair, and it’s often the reason why some partners choose to explore this avenue in the first place.
But keeping your marriage happy whilst you’re embarking on this journey will require different behaviours and acts than keeping a marriage happy without an affair in sight. And that’s where our 10 rules will help…
1. Compliment Your Partner Regularly
Even if you’re shacking up with someone else on the side, you still think highly of your spouse, and it’s important to let them know.
Even if your infidelity is fuelled by no longer being attracted to your partner, there are plenty of things you can compliment them on other than their appearance.
For example, if they cook a wonderful dinner, let them know. If they’ve improved at a hobby, don’t be afraid to tell them.
Giving this kind of small but heartfelt compliment can really boost their self-esteem and give you a little reminder of why you fell in love with them in the first place. It’s a win-win!
2. Never Yell At Your Spouse
This is a blanket rule for all marriages, regardless of whether you’re having an affair. Yelling at people in general should be reserved for genuine emergencies, like when the house is on fire or if they’re about to walk off a cliff!
Other than that, there’s no real reason to yell at your spouse. Arguments should never get to the point of screaming matches.
| If your spouse is the one who tends to raise their voice first, learn to disengage and walk away until you’re both calmer and in a better space to deal with the issue. If this is a new technique for you, explain what you’re doing before just walking off! |
3. Don’t Neglect Their Needs
Even if you’re getting some of your needs met elsewhere, it doesn’t mean you can just check out of your responsibility to meet their needs.
This can be a difficult one to stick to because if you’re feeling neglected at home, it can feel unfair to have to cater to your other half’s needs while being unfulfilled yourself.
However, it’s important to note that there are differences in needs in a relationship.
Just because you may not feel the same level of need for affection or attention doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t have those needs.
| One of the main reasons people have an affair is because there’s a need that’s not being met at home. Most commonly, that relates to sexual needs, and no one should feel pressured to meet someone else’s sexual needs if they’re not comfortable. |
4. Don’t Bring Up Things from the Past
It’s natural to have arguments in a relationship, especially a long-term one. That also means it’s common to have an almost endless backlog of things you could bring up to have the “gotcha moment” we all want in an argument.
However, just because you have these things in your armoury, it doesn’t mean you should use them.
While this is a rule that’s generally applicable to all marriages, it’s particularly important if you’re having an extramarital affair on the side.
When you bring up something from the past like this to get one up on your partner, it opens the door for them to question your past or current behaviours, which risks the whole thing crashing down.
5. Be Respectful of Their Feelings
The reason you’ve worked so hard to keep your affair secret is that you care about your partner’s feelings and don’t want them to get hurt. This needs to extend to respecting their feelings about your situation.
If they’ve noticed you’re spending more time on “hobbies” or “staying late at work” more often, or whatever excuse you’re using to cover your affair, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings about it.
Ultimately, your priority still needs to be your home life with your partner and your family, so make sure you listen when they express any feelings about the time you’re spending at home and away.
6. Support & Encourage Them to Be Better
We’ve already established that you still love your spouse, even if you’re cheating, so it makes sense that you should want the best for them.
Offering your partner support and encouragement in their personal goals and growth is key to maintaining a happy marriage, and can even be instrumental in getting back to a place where you no longer feel the need for your affair.
If you’ve lost sexual attraction to your partner due to changes in their body, encouraging them to get fit and healthy again can bring you both closer together.
If they lost their job and haven’t been contributing to the home or finances, which has turned you off from the relationship, encouraging them to get back into work or improve their mental health can work wonders for the health and strength of your relationship.
7. Take Responsibility for Weaknesses in Your Relationship
Even though you’re having an affair, your partner is not the only one responsible for your relationship’s weaknesses.
Being able to take responsibility for your role in any issues you’re having is a crucial secret to a happy marriage.
It shows your partner that you’re not placing the blame solely on them, and that you acknowledge your own flaws without them having to nag you about them.
8. Become a Pro at Compromise
Anyone who’s been married for a significant amount of time will tell you that compromise is the most important thing to make things last. This advice becomes even more important when you’re having an extramarital affair.
You’re already doing something that takes you away from your spouse and family, so it’s important to do some extra compromising to keep a happy home.
Learn to relent a bit more when it comes to family plans or requests from your spouse to maintain matrimonial harmony and avoid rousing suspicion from your loved ones.
9. Remember Why You Fell in Love With Them
You haven’t always had the attitude towards your marriage that you have today.
At one point, you were infatuated and madly in love with the person you share your life with, to the point you vowed to spend the rest of your life with them.
Things might not be going according to the fairytale script right now, but you can’t forget why you fell in love with them in the first place.
Whether you go through old photo albums or messages to remind yourself of the people you both used to be, it can be the perfect way to bring you back to who you both are at heart and remind you just why they’re so special to you in the first place.
| This also serves as a great way to remind yourself why your affair partner won’t ever be on the same level because they don’t have the same experiences and memories that you share with your spouse. |
10. Remember The Lives You Want to Build
We all enter marriage with grand plans for the life we want to build together.
Whether that’s starting a family or travelling the world together, it’s what inspires us to make the commitment in the first place.
Remembering the plans you had at the start and seeing just how many of them you’ve achieved over the years is the perfect way to remind yourself why you’re clinging onto the relationship and having an affair instead of completely throwing things away.
Does an Affair Mean the End of the Life You Built Together?
No, not necessarily. Having an affair doesn’t have to kill the life you’ve built with your spouse, but you do have to be careful.
Being blindsided by your infidelity will always hurt your spouse, so you need to take steps to keep it well hidden from them.
If you get hints that your partner has suspicions, it’s important to take steps to minimise the fallout to protect them.
In most cases, this would include calling time on your affair and being honest with your partner to start the work to get back to where you want to be as a couple.
| You can never really tell how someone’s going to react to finding out that they’ve been cheated on. For some people, it’s instantly the end, and you need to understand that’s the risk you’re running when you embark on an affair. But an emotional reaction to finding out isn’t always a death knell. Just take their reaction as it comes and let them take the lead. |
Why Do I Want to Have an Affair After Years of Marriage?
If you’ve been married for decades, you might have thought you weren’t the cheating type, until you were.
Suddenly feeling the urge to cheat on your spouse can be a sign that things have changed between you.
Don’t worry. This doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love them anymore!
It could simply be that some of your needs aren’t being met in the relationship, and you know you could get that from somewhere else.
If you’re reluctant to actually engage in an affair, this is the perfect time to talk to your spouse about how you’re feeling, what’s changed, and how you can both get things back on track.
If it’s something like a dead bedroom that you know isn’t going to change, then embarking on a married affair can be what you need to feel fulfilled and like yourself again.
In this situation, you can still talk to your partner about the possibility of getting sexual needs met elsewhere before you jump into married dating, but that’s a conversation that can sit at opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of being helpful.
Illicit Encounters is the perfect place to find other people who are in a similar position to you and just looking to feel like themselves outside of their marriage.
Does Having an Affair Annul the Commitment You Made?
While having an affair inevitably comes with a certain level of betrayal, it doesn’t have to completely annul the commitment you made when you got married.
Everything in life is fluid, and our needs and desires naturally change over time, which can leave us feeling unfulfilled in our marriage.
Getting those needs met elsewhere can help you stay fully committed in all other areas of your relationship and actually strengthen your emotional bond.
Of course, it’s worth noting that your partner may see things differently, which is why it’s important to try and facilitate an open and honest conversation if and when you come clean to your other half to explain your reasoning.
Protect Your Marriage With a Safe Married Affair
Illicit Encounters is a discreet and secure way to connect with like-minded people who share your goals and circumstances.
We know how important privacy and mutual respect are, giving you the space to explore your needs without putting your marriage at risk.
By matching members with shared desires and similar situations, the platform helps foster understanding and compatibility.
It’s designed to create meaningful connections while keeping things safe and confidential, so you can protect your primary relationship and even strengthen your emotional bond in the process.
Take the plunge and sign up for a free Illicit Encounters profile today! You never know where it might take you.
Article last updated: 20.05.2025
Can an Affair Help Boost a Happy Marriage?
Absolutely! It might seem counterintuitive, but having an affair can make you feel much happier in general, which can have a positive knock-on effect for your marriage.
When you’re happy in yourself, you’ll be a much better partner at home.
What is the Biggest Rule of Marriage?
Open communication. Being honest and talking things through builds trust, understanding, and a real connection. It helps you tackle challenges as a team while keeping your relationship strong and supportive.
How Do I Be a Better Partner to My Spouse?
Make sure your needs are met, even outside the marriage, as personal fulfilment boosts your happiness and emotional balance. This allows you to bring your best self into the relationship, enhancing your connection and making you a better partner.
At What Point Do Most Marriages End?
Most marriages end when communication breaks down, trust is lost, or unresolved conflicts persist. These issues often lead to emotional disconnection, making it difficult for couples to reconcile and maintain a strong, supportive relationship over time.
Leave a Reply