Striking up a conversation with someone you fancy is never easy, and while dating apps can take the pressure off a bit, it’s still nerve-wracking to craft the perfect first online dating message. So, we’ve got some tips to help you.
Married dating is a unique subsection of online dating, so it needs a unique approach when it comes to finding the best opening lines to help you get down to some online flirting. After all, married dating is about having fun and exploring your desires, so the first message should reflect that.
With our tips for writing your first message and our carefully crafted examples, you’ll be chatting to like-minded people in no time.
Screenshot them, copy-and-paste them, or draft them in your notes app for the next time you want to catch someone’s eye on a married dating site.
Our Top Tips for the Ultimate First Message Strategy
Although online dating is (often) a casual affair, it doesn’t mean you can send any old “How you doin’?” message, and it’s best to leave “a/s/l” in the past altogether! Your first message is the first impression you’ll make on someone, so – no pressure – it’s important to get it right.
Want to know what makes a good first online dating message? Here’s our thoughts…
1. Always Include A Compliment!
Compliments are such an easy way to grab someone’s attention and kick off a great conversation.
When you send your first message, try picking out something specific to compliment – like a cool photo or an interesting detail in their bio. For example, if they’ve shared pictures from a recent trip or a hobby, mention how awesome it looks or how impressive their interests are.
Genuine, thoughtful flattery always works because it shows you’re paying attention. And let’s be real – who doesn’t love a little positivity-boosting compliment?
At the end of the day, we’re all on dating apps for one reason, so there’s no point beating around the bush!
2. Make Sure the Message Can Lead to a Conversation
A compliment can be a great way to break the ice, but it’s just the beginning. The trick is to make sure your message encourages a response and keeps the conversation going.
Saying something like “You have a lovely smile” is nice, but it doesn’t leave much room for them to reply. Instead, try pairing your compliment with a question or comment about something they’re into.
For example, if they mention loving travel, you could say, “Your trip to Italy looked amazing! What was your favourite part?” It’s a simple way to make your message more engaging and show you’re genuinely interested, making it so much easier for them to reply and keep the chat going.
3. Get the Timing & Structure Right!
Timing is everything when it comes to getting your message across. Sending something late at night when someone’s winding down or sleeping might feel intrusive. On the other hand, messaging during work hours could mean it gets lost in the middle of a hectic day.
Try reaching out when they’re more likely to be relaxed and able to respond, like in the evening or on the weekend.
Also, keep your message short and to the point. No one wants to read a long, rambling text – it’s way easier to reply to a quick, thoughtful note. Finding the right balance can make a big difference in getting a first date and beyond!
4. Copy & Pasting Texting Templates Can Work!
Using generated templates for your first message is a great way to save time and get started. They give you a solid base to make sure your message is clear and engaging.
But here’s the thing – just copying and pasting without tweaking it can feel really impersonal. Take a minute to personalise it! Add something specific about the person or the situation to show you’ve put some thought into it.
That little extra effort can make your message feel way more genuine and boost your chances of getting a great response.
5. The Content of the Message Affects the Response Rate
People are way more likely to engage with messages that grab their attention and actually resonate with them. If your content feels boring or uninspiring, chances are it’ll just get ignored.
Want more responses? Try writing something interesting, entertaining, or even thought-provoking. Throw in a funny story, a bit of humour, or a unique perspective to make your message reply-able.
6. Don’t Shy Away From Using Emojis
Using emojis in your messages isn’t childish – it’s actually pretty smart! They can show tone and emotion in ways that plain text just can’t.
Whether you’re trying to show excitement, be playful, or even express empathy, the right emoji adds a little extra something to your message. They make your communication feel more personal, relatable, and just more fun.
And, in a world where digital conversations can feel a bit cold or unclear, flirty emojis are a great way to make your intent totally obvious.
7. Don’t Neglect Your Follow Up Strategy to Secure a First Date
Crafting the perfect first message is key, but it’s just the starting point. A good follow-up game is just as important to keep the conversation going and hold their interest.
After that first exchange, show you’re genuinely curious – ask thoughtful questions or bring up something they mentioned before. The trick is to show interest without coming on too strong.
Consistent, engaging follow-ups show you’re putting in the effort and help build a connection, which ups your chances of landing that first date. Keep the conversation flowing, and you’ll feel more confident about where it’s headed.
Great Conversation Starters & First Message Examples
While our tips and tricks are helpful, if you’re feeling apprehensive, having some concrete, perfect first message online dating examples to fall back on can help you take that first step!
| Here are our best examples of first messages and conversation starters to help you out. 1. “Hi, I couldn’t help but notice your profile – what’s something that always makes your day better?” 2. “Hey there! If you could escape anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?” 3. “Hi, I see we both appreciate [specific interest or hobby from their profile]. What’s your favourite thing about it?” 4. “Your profile caught my eye! What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done recently?” 5. “Hi, I love how [comment about their profile]. What inspired that?” 6. “Hey! If you had to pick one song to describe your mood today, what would it be?” 7. “Hi, I’m curious – what’s something most people wouldn’t guess about you from just your profile photo?” |
How Messaging on a Married Dating Site is Different From Regular Dating Sites
Messaging on a married dating site is a whole different ball game compared to regular dating. People here are usually looking for something specific – whether it’s companionship, emotional connection, or just a bit of excitement outside their marriage.
It’s less about long-term romance and more about finding someone who gets what you’re looking for. Discretion is key, and so is clear communication. Conversations are usually about setting expectations, making sure everyone’s on the same page, and respecting boundaries.
Unlike regular dating sites, where people are often thinking about building a future together, the focus here is on privacy and creating a connection that fits around existing commitments.
Your messages and interactions should clearly state what you’re looking for, whether it’s a casual fling or something more serious.
We’re all adults here, and honesty is crucial for a successful affair.
Is Your Dating Profile More Important Than First Message Questions?
Your dating profile and first message both matter when it comes to making a good impression, but the first message usually carries more weight.
Sure, a great profile can grab someone’s attention, but a poorly written or awkward message can ruin it in seconds.
On the flip side, even if your profile is a bit sparse, you can still stand out with a thoughtful, engaging message. A killer profile won’t save you from a bad first impression if your message feels careless or off-putting.
Bottom line? Focus on sending a genuine, respectful first message – it can make all the difference in starting the conversation off right.
| Nail Your Online Dating Approach With Illicit Encounters Illicit Encounters is the go-to place for married people looking to date discreetly and connect with others who get it. It’s a community of like-minded individuals, making it the perfect chance to put your first message skills to the test. Whether you’re after some meaningful chats or a bit of excitement outside your marriage, our platform lets you create genuine connections. Sign up for a free account today and see where your first message could take you! |
FAQs
How Do I Write a First Message on a Dating Site?
Start with a friendly greeting, mention something specific from their profile to show genuine interest, and ask a light, open-ended question. Keep it respectful, concise, and focused on fostering a natural, engaging conversation.
What Do You Say First When Online Dating?
Start by introducing yourself politely and show interest by referencing something from their profile. Ask a broad question to encourage a response, keeping your tone light and genuine to create a comfortable and engaging conversation.
Can a First Message Make or Break a Relationship?
Absolutely. A thoughtful, engaging first message can spark genuine interest and connection, while a poorly written or generic one may discourage a response.
Make it personal, respectful, and engaging to leave a positive, lasting impression.
When Should You Send a First Message on Dating Apps?
Send that first message soon after matching to show you’re interested and keep the conversation going. Being quick shows enthusiasm, but don’t rush it – take a moment to write a thoughtful, personal message that shows you’ve actually read their profile.
Good timing can make all the difference!
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